The Ultimate Get-a-Clue Freelance Request for the Week of July 13, 2009

This week's Middle Finger Award winner highlights a particular type of job request I haven't seen in while. I recently read that online dating service demand is up in light of the recession. Seems everyone wants to share the misery these days. But some of these individuals only want to share someone else's misery and then pretend it's their own ... or something convoluted (i.e., NOT simple as as this project poster implies) like that.

Project Description: Manage my Online Dating Profile

Specific Project Request:

#1. I select the profiles of women I'm interested in
#2. You write introductions/messages, followups, etc.
#3. I'll pay for every date that you set up.
#4. Simple!


Can someone please explain to me why it's always someone of the male persuasion seeking a ghost dater? For the right price, would you ever perform this task? If so, how much would you expect as compensation?

Oops! Somebody Needs to Go Back to School

Okay, so this one isn't exactly a headline blooper, but it's sure a MAJOR oops!

Workers paint the word ''scohol'' in school zone.

Freelance Job "Opportunities" = Waste of My Time

Last week I mentioned that I'm bypassing job ads more frequently. Even with the additional scrutinization I'm giving work leads, however, I'm still finding my time is vastly wasted on them. Take these two recent examples:

1. I applied to a call for magazine articles in one of my niche areas. I responded with a lengthy list of relevant credentials, many of them for well-known individuals/publications. The pay was stated "TBA." I thought that meant I might be able to negotiate a nice rate given my experience.

Here's what it really meant: "I like your work. I am very interested in having you write for us, but the one thing I did not put in the posting is that this is not an immediate paid position. Because the online mag is something new for us we would like to see how the first two issues do before we set pay rates. We are also not charging subscribers for the first two issues. I completely understand if you can not do it, but if you can I would like to get you started ASAP."

Nuh uh, Screw that!

2. I applied for a blogging position in the same niche area with the same list of stellar credentials. This one didn't turn out to be quite as bad. At least it was offering some pay. Unfortunately, that pay was less than half of what I'm currently making for a similar gig. Plus, it required me to hound my social networking friends to visit the site and read my articles, something that's not required of me by my existing client. The potential for a higher rate was contigent on my ability to bring in traffic.

Again, no. I'm a writer, not a lead generator. If you want me to perform both job functions, you need to pay me double my existing rate, not half.

A Case for Why Freelance Writers Should Blog

It seems Alice Hoffman recently threw a hissy fit over a mediocre review of her latest book. Perhaps, as the article points out near the end, she should have been a blogger before she hit the big time.

Look Who's Snarking Now: Novelist Uses Twitter to Trash Critic

The Dangers of Outsourcing Freelance Writing

So most of your average customer support has already been outsourced to India, but did you ever wonder what would happen if your local newspaper decided to outsource its writing? Here's a sampling of the type of articles you might be reading.

Outsource This!

The Ultimate Get-a-Clue Freelance Request for the Week of June 29, 2009

This week's Middle Finger Award winner comes courtesy of Debbi Mack. She uncovered this gagger on the bidding site Scriptlance. These types of sites have always included questionnable projects, but I think it's fair to say such projects are becoming more and more common these days--bidding or otherwise.

Project Description: How to Articles Needed
Specific Project Request: "Writer needed for 5 articles at a time. Each article must be a 500+ article arranged into 5+ steps and one introduction. I will pay $2 per article with an opportunity for pay increase. I will need several 5-article batches. These articles must be grammatically correct and 100% original. I also need links to each web resource that you use in each article."

Unless that pay increase is going to be 10,000%, I can't see the logic in even turning on the computer. But of course, the project was awarded to a "writer" in Pakistan who wrote: "*** Consider it done -- Quality Guaranteed ***."

Where Have You Been, Young Lady?

Yes, I've been absent for a while again. (Shame on me.) I've been trying to figure out why I've been letting this blog go so much of late. Sure, I could blame it on the family medical issues, the warm, sunny (finally!) weather, or my busy work schedule. All of those reasons are legitimate because they're true. However, I've come to another conclusion: I'm simply not seeking out new jobs as much as I used to. Therefore, I'm contending with a whole lot less Screw You! B.S. than I once did.

Don't get me wrong. There are still a whole lot of freelance-related issues to get my gander up about. (And since I have a bit of free time on my hands today, I'm about to put a few such posts in the hopper.) In fact, with the the economy staying in the dumper, the job opportunities are abysmal. So abysmal, in fact, that I'm passing them right by without even making the effort to get angry about them. If I did, I'd be livid 24/7.

You see, it's finally dawned on me. Almost every personal Screw You! story I've featured here has been the result of a new, one-time deal. Even more enlightening is that the vast majority of these horror-story individuals sought me out instead of the other way around. So I'm being more cautious these days. I'm bypassing job ads more, scrutizing inquiries more and focusing on my existing clientele more.

All of that makes for less stressed freelancing but more boring blogging. What's an Irreverent Freelancer to do?