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Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Freelance Quote of the Day

I saw this quote in a recent edition of C. Hope Clark's Funds for Writers:

"A man may fail many times but he isn't a failure until he begins to blame somebody else."

-- J. Paul Getty

It immediately struck me that every deadbeat client I've ever had is a complete and utter failure. After all, s/he concocted every imaginable excuse to blame me for the nonpayment rather than owning up to it.

In the midst of such accusations, it's often hard to maintain one's self-confidence. Rest assured the next time I'm faced with put-downs as an excuse for not getting paid, this quote will be swimming through my brain. I'll also be smiling like an imbecile and singing, "Screw you, you failure!"

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Monday, February 23, 2009

The Ultimate Get-a-Clue Freelance Request for the Week of February 23, 2009

During my recent absence, one of my favorite bloggers, Lori Widmer, sent me the link to this salary-defining, Middle Finger Award-winning job posting.

Project Description: Paying Top Dollar For Writers!

Specific Project Request: "Hi I am in need of about 4 to 6 writers who are able to write reviews on sites that I provide. The reviews will need to be informative and well put together. I will be using these articles on a site that I am building. I am willing to pay up to .10 a word. There will be plenty of work to be done!

A short evaluation process is required to review your skills. If you are interested reply to the address listed.

Compensation: .10 a word"

So there you go, people. Ten cents per word is top dollar for writers, so don't you dare go asking for a penny more!

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Friday, February 20, 2009

Are You a Spelling Snob?

Apparently, giving a damn about proper spelling (and grammar and punctuation) now constitutes snobbery. (See Fastidious spelling snobs pushed over the edge.)

What I love about this article is that is mentions one of my favorite blogs: The “Blog” of “Unnecessary” Quotation Marks. What I hate about this article is that it implies that those of us who demand proper spelling are obsessive, perfectionistic, condescending snobs. Oh yeah, and let's not forget such demands are "power plays."

The article goes on to say, "But we don’t just notice mistakes, the psychologist notes. We also pass judgment and assign blame for them." Fair enough, but I ask you, who else are we to blame than the person who is doing the appalling writing? Access to a dictionary is readily available at one's fingertips these days, and if you don't own one (that, in and of itself, is a travesty in my not so humble opinion) or computer access to one, then you can still get your hands on one for free at your local library.

In a day and age where I can't sit down and read even a paid newspaper subscription without going batty over the errors, I think it's high time more of us got a tad snootier about our written communications. Worrying about the labels on your clothing, shoes and purses is snobbery. Caring that when you set pen to paper you're putting your best effort forward is not. Screw that!

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to join the Facebook group “I Judge You When You Use Poor Grammar.”

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Wednesday, February 18, 2009

The Flaky Irreverent Freelancer Returns

I'm sure many of you have noticed how neglected this blog has grown over the past few months. I regret that I couldn't give my regular readers a heads-up about my most recent departure. My dad went in for a consultation with his cardiac surgeon on a Friday and was admitted that same day for surgery the following Monday. That left me scrambling to make last-minute travel arrangements to Manhattan, where the surgery was performed. He's recovering now, but at a much slower pace than anyone anticipated.

Now to make this post freelance related. My extended--and expensive--absence has taught me a few lessons every freelancer can learn from.

1. No matter how good business is, there will come a day when you'll have to step away from the job. That means you'll have little money coming in and have to rely on savings.

2. Because #1 is inevitable, every freelancer should have a savings cushion to fall back on. I personally recommend no less than three months' worth of your usual income but ideally one year.

3. When you return from an extended leave, many of the clients who desperately needed you while you were away will no longer require said services when you return. For vacations, I always schedule work to be waiting upon my return, but unexpected emergencies don't afford the freelancer such a luxury.

4. You'll need to get creative in the marketing department to compensate for the combination of lost income, hefty expenditures and lack of impending workload, which is precisely where I am right now.

5. Securing a free Internet connection in one of the world's most wired cities will likely prove a lot more difficult than you could ever imagine.

6. And if you're me, a tempest of a Screw You! story will be brewing upon your return.

Have any of you ever had an occasion that unexpectedly cut you off from your usual cash influx? If so, how did you handle it? What lessons did you take away from it?

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Tuesday, February 17, 2009

The Ultimate Get-a-Clue Freelance Request for the Week of February 16, 2009

It's been a while since I handed out a Middle Finger Award, but I think you'll find that this one was worth the wait.

Project Description: Professional Blog Content Writer - Long Term Work
Buyer Alias: startupstoryradio
Specific Project Request: "We are looking for people to write approximately 5,000 pages of content over the next 24 months.

We need about 200 blog posts written per month. The posts will be in the form of product reviews of construction materials and tools for the DIY market.

The chosen candidate will get their own access to Worpress, will write the posts based on our general template, and leave them in draft form. You must be fluent in English, understand blogging, linking, and how to post in Wordpress.

We expect to pay in the $3.00 range per post. Each post will be 500-750 words."

You can "expect" to pay whatever you want, startupstoryradio, but at $0.004 to $0.0006 per word, you can also expect your blog to be a crockpot of $h!t! If you can get anyone to work for you for that kind of non-compensation for 24 hours, let alone 24 months, you're in the wrong line of business. You should become a professional brainwasher. Screw you big time!

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Monday, February 16, 2009

Freelance National Anthem

This video has begun making the rounds of my freelance mailing lists, but if you haven't seen it yet, I think you'll enjoy.


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