Weekend Get-a-Clue Freelance Request Bonus

I've recently delighted in poking fun of all the online daters who are hiring writers to attend to all the unimportant details in their quest for love--uh, like actually getting to know someone. For the sake of fair journalism, I thought I'd share this one with you as well. It shows there's still some shred of humanity left in the online-dating world--however rare and minute it might be.

Project Description: Online dating outsourced

Specific Project Request: "I am looking for someone who can manage my online dating life (e.g., match.com). I just don't have time! I will tell you the types of women that I am looking for. You contact them and fix dates. Easy.

I need someone to:
- Write and send emails (witty, interesting etc.)
- Fix dates
- Book into Google calendar

You have to:
- have flawless english
- be able to write incredibly well
- be well organised

This should be a fun, interesting job. I will pay a bonus for quantity and quality and promise to tell all my dates about this. After all I am not a creep, just busy."


Who you callin' a creep?!

Rock-Solid Freelance Writerly Advice

I love what Angela Hoy of Writer's Weekly does for writers. I'm particularly fond of the Whispers and Warning section of her weekly e-zine. Last week, however, her Ask the Expert segment was spot on.

PLEASE, if you are a writer, I beg you to take her advice to heart. And it doesn't apply to just freelance-bidding sites either. Jobs posted elsewhere on the Web seem to be just as guilty of such insults these days, as evidenced by the growing number of Middle Finger Award candidates readers are forwarding to me of late.

The Ultimate Get-a-Clue Freelance Request for the Week of July 27, 2009

I owe a BIG thank you to Fiona Young-Brown for sending me the link to this week's Middle Finger Award winner. And yes, before you even ask, it was listed under Writing Gigs.

Project Description: male freelance reporter seeking female asst.

Specific Project Request: male freelance reporter going to nude beach for work assignment seeking female to accompany him . Preferably you have some reporting experience but not essential.


I wonder if the chosen candidate is supposed to use his (probably ugly) naked body as her writing notebook? Yeah, he definitely needs to get a clue.

Why Sarah Palin Could Use a Freelance Editor ... and So Could You

Vanity Fair's executive literary editor recently took his red pen to Sarah Palin's resignation speech. Here are the results of that mighty endeavor: Palin’s Resignation: The Edited Version. If an editor can turn the governor's garbled mess into a work of beauty, imagine what he or she could do for your writing.

The Ultimate Get-a-Clue Freelance Request for the Week of July 20, 2009

This week's Middle Finger Award winner was chosen on the basis of its woe-is-me ploy to get free work. I've Xed out the name of the publication to protect the guilty.

Project Description: Freelance writer, pet-related

Specific Project Request: XXXXXX is a pet-related magazine located in NNY. We are currently looking to add to our wonderful staff of writers. We cover all animals from mice to Alpacas as long as they are someone's pet. We also love to hear stories from our readers. XXXX is mainly distributed throughout NYS, but it also travels into Canada and other states.

We are a fairly new publication and are currently unable to pay for stories or photographs. However, we do offer by-line, contributor's copy, and profile with photo on our website. As business picks up, we will start to offer monetary compensation. If interested in writing for us, please send a sample article (preferably a usable pet-related article) to us by e-mail.



I'll never understand the logic behind such job posts. How, pray tell, is business for a magazine EVER going to pick up without quality writing? And yeah, I'd say the current staff of writers is pretty "wonderful," considering they're providing this publication with its bread and butter for FREE. Screw all of 'em!

The Ultimate Get-a-Clue Freelance Request for the Week of July 13, 2009

This week's Middle Finger Award winner highlights a particular type of job request I haven't seen in while. I recently read that online dating service demand is up in light of the recession. Seems everyone wants to share the misery these days. But some of these individuals only want to share someone else's misery and then pretend it's their own ... or something convoluted (i.e., NOT simple as as this project poster implies) like that.

Project Description: Manage my Online Dating Profile

Specific Project Request:

#1. I select the profiles of women I'm interested in
#2. You write introductions/messages, followups, etc.
#3. I'll pay for every date that you set up.
#4. Simple!


Can someone please explain to me why it's always someone of the male persuasion seeking a ghost dater? For the right price, would you ever perform this task? If so, how much would you expect as compensation?

Oops! Somebody Needs to Go Back to School

Okay, so this one isn't exactly a headline blooper, but it's sure a MAJOR oops!

Workers paint the word ''scohol'' in school zone.

Freelance Job "Opportunities" = Waste of My Time

Last week I mentioned that I'm bypassing job ads more frequently. Even with the additional scrutinization I'm giving work leads, however, I'm still finding my time is vastly wasted on them. Take these two recent examples:

1. I applied to a call for magazine articles in one of my niche areas. I responded with a lengthy list of relevant credentials, many of them for well-known individuals/publications. The pay was stated "TBA." I thought that meant I might be able to negotiate a nice rate given my experience.

Here's what it really meant: "I like your work. I am very interested in having you write for us, but the one thing I did not put in the posting is that this is not an immediate paid position. Because the online mag is something new for us we would like to see how the first two issues do before we set pay rates. We are also not charging subscribers for the first two issues. I completely understand if you can not do it, but if you can I would like to get you started ASAP."

Nuh uh, Screw that!

2. I applied for a blogging position in the same niche area with the same list of stellar credentials. This one didn't turn out to be quite as bad. At least it was offering some pay. Unfortunately, that pay was less than half of what I'm currently making for a similar gig. Plus, it required me to hound my social networking friends to visit the site and read my articles, something that's not required of me by my existing client. The potential for a higher rate was contigent on my ability to bring in traffic.

Again, no. I'm a writer, not a lead generator. If you want me to perform both job functions, you need to pay me double my existing rate, not half.

A Case for Why Freelance Writers Should Blog

It seems Alice Hoffman recently threw a hissy fit over a mediocre review of her latest book. Perhaps, as the article points out near the end, she should have been a blogger before she hit the big time.

Look Who's Snarking Now: Novelist Uses Twitter to Trash Critic