The Ultimate Get-a-Clue Freelance Request for the Week of September 28, 2009

This week I'm excited to bring you my very first guest Middle Finger post. When I first started blogging, Carson Brackney was running a very successful blog and site called Content Done Better. Despite his success, he generously took the time to spread the word about Screw You! After a hiatus from freelancing, he's back, better than ever. Full credit for the following post and its accompanying graphic go to him.



Q: Who wants a $3,500 freelance writing job?
A: Many people.

Q: Who wants to buy an old $10 ebook about selling Avon products?
A: Not very many people.

Q: Who wants me to flip them the bird?
A: The person who figured out how to get some of those people interested in the writing job to buy the ebook.

I believe this whole story is a testament to the creativity of those with greed/decency imbalances. An ugly little website advises writers that a small publishing company is on the lookout for people willing to write simple ebooks for $3,500. They pay half up front.

They have a book they'd like you to review. That way, you'll know exactly what they expect from their writers. It's a little ebook about selling Avon. They'd like you to take a look. They want you to see if that's the kind of thing you might want to do for $3,500.

By the way, you can get the book free by using Trial Pay. If you don't want to use Trial Pay, the book will set you back around $10.

Don't even think about skipping out on reviewing the Avon book, though. According to the company:

"Just to let you know, we have found that those that don't want to make the simple commitment by using trial pay or spending the ten bucks are not seriously interested and may not complete their writing assignments."

Your willingness to snag the Avon book is a litmus test of just how serious you are about writing books for these jokers.

When you go to Trial Pay to get the free copy of the ebook, you realize that it's contingent upon buying something else. That's how Trial Pay works. They allow people to "give away" products when people make other purchases. The benevolent gift-giver gets a cut from the real sale, so they're still making money.

There's nothing inherently wrong with that. Trial Pay works with some legitimate, big-time companies and there are situations in which this system could make a great deal of sense. This isn't one of them, though.

In this situation, you're going to sign up with Blockbuster video or order flowers from FTD in order to get that Avon book. The person running the "we need writers" ad is going to make their money in the process.

There's no free book to serve as a "style guide". You're buying the damned book. And there's no guarantee of a pot of gold at the end of the Avon rainbow. Handing over your cash doesn't get you an ebook deal with this operation, it merely gives you the ability to express your interest in trying to get a deal

Are your middle fingers getting itchy, or what?

I'll leave it up to you to take a wild guess as to how many people they're offering subsequent book deals.

I see this as nothing more than a twisted way of selling a beauty product sales ebook by leveraging the desire of writers to find more work. It looks like a creative way of turning the hunger of the freelance writing marketplace into demand for an otherwise hard-to-sell ebook that, for all we know, is probably a cobbled-together assortment of half-assed PLR articles.

For what it's worth, the come-on page, the actual sales copy for the ebook and everything else associated with the deal comes festooned with warning flags. It's so suspicious on so many levels that I can't imagine too many people taking the $10 leap. Anyone who isn't dripping wet behind the ears would probably click away from the whole scene faster than they would from an offer to write 5,000 SEO articles from scratch for $20 total.

However, I found out about it after another writer mentioned it, wondering if it might be worth pursuing. That points to the conclusion that there are people out there who might take the bait.

In recognition of this effort to exploit those who'd love $3,500 but who don't necessarily know how to navigate the sharked-filled waters of the online writing world, I hereby offer two extended middle fingers in the direction of DirectPublisher.com.

And I wouldn't retract either one of them IF these folks really did occasionally hire ebook writers for $3,500. Even if my guess about their actual motives and "business model" are off-base, the fact that anyone would force people to pay for job consideration and would do so by pretending that this Trial Pay set up really represented a "free" means of getting the book deserve the bird.

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Carson Brackney is a consultant, copywriter and content provider who works with clients ranging from the newest beginners to established experts. His latest project, Ad Astra Traffic, will launch in October, offering “one stop shopping” for content and other critical online business needs.

Freelance Funny of the Day

Ah, now I think I understand all those "Seeking Someone to Handle My Online Dating Correspondence" job posts: Pearls Before Swine.

The Ultimate Get-a-Clue Freelance Request for the Week of September 21, 2009

This week's Middle Finger Award winner earns the nod for its ultra-creepy factor.

Thanks go out to reader Krista for passing this one along.

Project Description: Female Erotic Writer - Crazy Gig (NE Philly)

Specific Project Request: God, I can't believe I am putting up this ad but, hey you never know.

I would love to spend a sensual and erotic evening with an attractive, smart female writer.

Then, I want you to write 5 pages about the evening. Your thoughts, feelings, emotions, impressions, observations.

Anyone adventurous enough?

Headline Blooper of the Day

"I need help writing, editing and publishing my memory"

The Ultimate Get-a-Clue Freelance Request for the Week of September 14, 2009

You've got to read all the way to the end to fully enjoy this week's Middle Finger Award winner.

Project Description: Funny Country Stories (Anywhere)

Specific Project Request: I need story submissions for a new book that I am putting together that outline something funny that happened in the country and shows what it's like to live in the country. I've been lovingly calling them "redneck anecdotes" LOL!! I plan on this becoming a series, similar to the chicken soup series, with the other books being funny stories in different categories. Being a great writer will certainly help your chances of getting selected for the book, however, it's not everything. Not having good writing skills is not a deal breaker, it's the story I'm looking for, not the writing...I can edit and tweak, etc. You will be fully credited for your work, unless you choose to remain anonymous. For more information or to submit a story, contact me at XXXX@xxx.com. Thanks for your time and effort!

Compensation: Pay will begin only on the second book in the series. For the first book, compensation will be your name in print. Having your name and work in print is exciting, especially for a beginning writer.

Who's a Top 40 Freelance Writing Blogger?

Me, that's who! The Irreverent Freelancer was recently named to oDesk's list of 40 Freelance Writing Blogs. I find this distinction both ironic and complimentary at the same time.

It's no secret that I've grown to loathe the freelance-bidding sites, and while I haven't used oDesk and therefore haven't personally slammed them, I have cautioned my readers about the company's Big Brother Webcam-watching business practice. Nonetheless, when I look at some of the other names on this list, I can't help but feel honored to be included among them.

The Ultimate Get-a-Clue Freelance Request for the Week of September 7, 2009

Project Description: (personal) writer needed

Specific Project Requrest: This is not taken from a seperate job posting. I am looking for a temporary freelance writer, with opportunity for ongoing work if the work performed is acceptable. Right now, I only need one article written and I will pay $5 via Paypal to the write candidate.

1) Writer must be knowledgeable with writing keyword articles for SEO purposes, and also with writing article marketing (no naming names!)

2) For this particular article, I need somebody who can write 500 outstanding words about "used logging equipment." If you are confident with your knowledge in this topic, please email XXXXXXX@yyyy.net and I will provide the secondary keywords to incorporate. If you don't know anything about skidders, please do not apply.

3) I am offering $5 for a 500 word article. If this is not acceptable to you, you don't need to apply.

4) I expect quality work. I will not pay for anything less. Native English speakers only, please, and please include a summary of your writing experience when applying.

5) I am currently looking to expand the team anyways, so if you can impress me you might land another ongoing client.

Again, please email XXXXXXX@yyyyy.net if you are interested in writing this article, and qualified to write it well...


Seems I'm not the only one who thinks this job poster deserves a Middle Finger Award. Apparently, she really ticked a lot of people off, because the next day she was back with these additions.


Due to the overwhelming response of offended writers, I will make the following adjustments to this job posting:

(1) Forget anything I said about experience with writing SEO content. I can make these adjustments when I run the editing.

(2) All I am looking for is somebody who can write about logging equipment... that is somebody who knows this field enough that hours of research will not be needed.

(3) The article itself is very simple, and the details will be given if somebody can convince me they know enough about logging equipment to write this article.

(4) The article should only take 5 to 10 minutes to write, depending on your typing speed. It is a very easy topic, a very easy title, but I only want somebody who actually knows this topic to write the article.

(5) If you are so deeply offended that I am offering only $5 for 5 to 10 minutes, I do sympathize with you but please do not send me rude messages. I am not being "cruel" to anybody... I am being honest and upfront. Apparently there is nobody in this newsgroup qualified enough to write about used logging equipment, so there is no need for this update other than to reply to everyone at the same time.

(6) Finally, I do apologize for a few of the typos in the last post, and most likely in this post as well. However, I did intend to say "write candidate" instead of "right."

Also, by Native English speaker I did mean to exclude anybody who might have deliberately poor grammar. I did not mean to offend anybody who speaks a second language, I thought my point was fairly clear.


Yeah, whatever, screw you!

Freelancer Flowcharts

Ever wondered how to handle all those software issues and technical problems you encounter as a freelancer? No worries! Just follow the Tech Support Cheat Sheet and/or the Problem Solving Flowsheet.