Irreverent Freelancer Contest Reminder and Deadline Extension

I've received only a few entries into my first-ever contest so far, so if you send me something, there's a good chance of winning! I haven't yet decided how the winner will be selected. If they're all good, it will probably be a random pick.

You can find all the rules here: First-Ever Irreverent Freelancer Contest.

Also, because I'm going to be dealing with more family medical issues next week, I'm extending the deadline to 11:59 p.m. March 7, 2010. Hopefully I can announce the winner sometime that same week. Good luck!

The Ultimate Get-a-Clue Freelance Request for the Week of February 22, 2010

I'm a little late on the Middle Finger Award this week, but I think you'll find it worth the wait.

Project Description: Travel Itinerary Writer

Specific Project Request: Seeking someone who can take a day by day synopsis of tours and turn them into an elegant and elaborate travel itinerary. Would desire same style followed for all itineries. We are willing to pay $15 per itinerary (apx. 2000 words each). Some just need to be re-written and others need to be formulated based on the synopsis (highlights) that are provided. The initial quote should be for 4 itineraries. Based on the result of the work of these additional assignments would be forthcoming.

Please send any and all experience along with sample (sample itinerary desired). All itineraries become our property on completion.


Elegant and elaborate? Sorry, but for three-quarters of a cent per word, all you get is dull and unrefined--and at that rate, you should be happy to get that even. As for the sample iterinary becoming your property, I think not. Heck, if everyone who applies follows that instruction, you'll be willing to pay $0 per itinerary, won't you? Screw You!

First-Ever Irreverent Freelancer Contest

As previously mentioned, in celebration of this blog recently being named a Top 50 Blog for Writers, Peter Bowerman has kindly offered to send one of my readers a copy of the updated 2010 version of book, The Well-Fed Writer: Financial Self-Sufficiency as a Commercial Freelancer in Six Months or Less. So let's have a little irreverent freelancing fun.

Anyone who would like to enter the contest has one of two options:

1. Send me your best (true) Ultimate Get-a-Clue Freelance Request ad; OR
2. Send me your best (true) Screw You! story.

Please put "Screw You! Contest Entry" in your subject line and email it to me at the Gmail address listed in my Blogger profile. Only the winner's entry will be published, unless you expressly consent to publication when you send in your entry. If you would like to be published in the event that you are not the ultimate winner, please stipulate whether you'd like to be given credit or remain anonymous.

Keeping all of this in mind, please change any identifying details to protect the guilty. The contest will run from now until March 5, 2010 at 11:59 p.m. Eastern time.

Freelance Clients from Hell

My Screw You! sidekick and uncoverer of a lot of the fun gems I've been bringing here of late, Debbi Mack, has alerted me to another must-read: Clients from Hell. Although most of them are geared toward Web and graphic designers, the similarities are uncanny. Guess all freelancers pretty much have to deal with the same get-a-clue scenarios.

Recognize any of your clients in these situations?

The Ultimate Get-a-Clue Freelance Request for the Week of February 15, 2010

As promised, here is part two of last's week's Middle Finger Award.

Specific Project Request: Hi everyone, work has been picking up like crazy, and I currently have 2 large orders to fill so once again I am looking for new writers to hire...

I need interested applicants to specify which job they are interested in, how many hours they can commit (or orders they can fill) and whether or not they are interested in a long term position.

Here's the details:

Assignment # 2: This is for writers interested in long term writing positions, because it is an ongoing project. The client wants 300 articles a month, but they are short articles (250 words) and it will be broken down into batches: 1 unique article and 4 rewrites of that same article. Each batch will be a total of 1250 words, and I will pay $$25 per batch with incentive and bonuses for timeliness and other features.

This project is still under the planning and development stages, and will be ready to assign by next weekend. If you are interested in Assignment # 2, please email carynmurray@XXX.net and let me know if you are available for a long term position and how many hours per week you are available to work.

I will need long term writers to sign a service agreement and provide w-9 info. You will also be invited to join the online workspace for collaboration, and will be eligible for other assignments that become available, with no obligation to accept them.


Sure, Caryn, because I'm sure all those people you're paying $0.30 per product description (i.e., the equivalent of $3.00/hour) are really going to want to work with you long term for the rate of $0.02/word. Or maybe that double dollar sign in front of the 25 was supposed to be double zeros at the end of the 25? If so, let's talk. In the meantime, Screw You again!

Irreverent Freelancer Is a Top 50 Blog!

I received news late last week that Screw You! has been named a Top 50 Freelance Writing Blog by Journalism Journeyman. I'm always honored when this blog gets any kind of recognition, but I have to admit this one was particularly sweet. When I saw the list of names included among my own, my jaw dropped: Anne Wayman, Deb Ng, Angela Hoy, Bob Bly, Susan Johnston, and the list goes on and on.

Then I got an email from Peter Bowerman congratulating me on making the cut, and I got a little starstruck. Peter, literally, wrote the book on what professional writers should be paid and how to go about doing so. He's also graciously offered to send me a copy of the updated 2010 version of The Well-Fed Writer: Financial Self-Sufficiency as a Commercial Freelancer in Six Months or Less and he's throwing in a copy for one lucky reader of mine.

In that vein, I'll be running my first-ever contest here shortly. Check back for details soon. Hope you'll join in the fun.

The Ultimate Get-a-Clue Freelance Request for the Week of February 8, 2010

This week's Middle Finger Award winner is to be continued next week, since she managed to squeeze two job-offer doozies into a single ad.


Specific Project Request: Hi everyone, work has been picking up like crazy, and I currently have 2 large orders to fill so once again I am looking for new writers to hire...

I need interested applicants to specify which job they are interested in, how many hours they can commit (or orders they can fill) and whether or not they are interested in a long term position.

Here's the details:

Assignment # 1: This order is for a total of 5,000 short product descriptions. Each description will be 2 to 5 sentences in length, and the template will be in an Excel spreadsheet to simplify the whole process and expedite the order. It will take about 2 hours (average) to get 500 descriptions done... and I am breaking this order into 10 batches of 500 descriptions. Each batch has a base pay of $150 with incentive bonuses for timeliness and other features.

A sample description: Fashion Gaga Tote

This fashion tote was inspired by Gucci and is available for just a fraction of the price! A stylish envelope shape with rich metallic buckle give this handbag a unique design perfect for any occasion. A softly gathered bottom ensures there will be plenty of room for your essentials, and the fully lined interior contains a zip pocket and a pocket for your cell phone.

Available in: Fuchsia, Black, White, Lime, Silver, and Yellow.

If you are interested in assignment # 1, please email carynmurray@xxxx.net and let me know how many hours you are available over the next 2 weeks so we can get the ball rolling. All payment will be sent on Friday, via Paypal. If you make more than $500, I need your W9 info.


Since you seem to be so well aware of how long it would take a professional to perform, this job, Caryn, why not just do it yourself? You're offering 30 cents per description but you're twisting things around to make it sound like you pay $75 per hour. Not in this lifetime or on any planet I know will that happen. Just an FYI: The rate you're offering is at LEAST 100 times less than the professional going rate. Screw you, indeed!

Freelance Funny of the Day

The Ultimate Get-a-Clue Freelance Request for the Week of February 1, 2010

Is it February already? That means it's almost Groundhog Day. Here's to Punxsutawney Phil foreboding six weeks free of Screw You! clients. This week's Middle Finger Award winner, however, is not such a client. Thanks to Jessica for passing this one along.

Project Description: Writers Wanted for Short Articles

Specific Project Request: We need writers to take on short writing and rewriting projects. No particular knowledge is required. As long as you're a capable writer willing to work to deadlines, you just might be right for us.
Compensation starts at a half cent ($0.005) per word. Writers who consistently submit solid work with us see more lucrative projects. Payments are sent weekly via PayPal. Interested writers should contact us using the email address at the top of the page, and tell us a bit about yourself. A writing sample is welcome.

Golly gee, Beav, a whole half of a cent per word! Like I told Jessica, when you're going to pay crap like that, the least you can do is quote a price per article or, better yet, per 100 articles. At least then the math-challenged don't instantly realize just how bad the offer is. Thanks for breaking it down for us, though. Makes the Screw You! that much quicker and painless.