The Ultimate Get-a-Clue Freelance Request for the Week of March 29, 2010

Credit goes to Jessica Mousseau for passing this week's Middle Finger Award winner along to me. It's a perfect example of how content mills are devaluing the overall industry (despite what proponents of the model insist).

Project Description: (the oh so cryptic) Writer Needed

Specific Project Request: Immediate jobs available for writers who can provide content for a start-up web site. Word count is 250 - 300. The payscale for every article is $3.50. This pay scale is in step with other online content companies like Suite101.com and Textbroker.com -- two of the leading producers of online content. You will have two days to complete each piece and include rewrites.
Choose topics such as tech, weddings, auto repair, media, home repair and electronics. The articles will be written in"How To" and "About" formats. This is a reliable job opportunity for newspaper writers who are victims of newsroom closures and those seeking to break into the writing industry. Payments are done bi-weekly via Paypal. Send resume and writing samples.


In other words, because so many writers are willing to write at sub-par rates for content mills, it shouldn't be hard at all for this job poster (and more and more such posters) to lure in writers for the same kinds of rates. And don't you just love how they're lumping in out-of-work news writers? Are they serious? They can't be. Screw that!

The Ultimate Get-a-Clue Freelance Request for the Week of March 22, 2010

For those of you who don't know what the PANCE is (I didn't and had to look it up), it stands for Physician Assistant National Certifying Exam. Now anyone who is qualified to write exam questions for such a test ought to command top-tier rates, right? Not if you're working for this week's Middle Finger Award winner.

Project Description: Write 350 PANCE Exam Prep Question

Specific Project Request: We need 350 multiple choice questions for the PANCE physician's exam. Target price is $475.

The content should cover the basic areas in about the distribution the test would.

We would reimburse for an exam guide.

We need it to be in the format below:

For remineralization of onset lesions to take place, what is must be ample?

A – Bacteria
B – Dentin
C – Fluoride
D – Acidogenic

Answer: C – For remineralization of onset lesions to take place fluoride must be ample. Fluoride, in large amounts, naturalizes pH levels allowing the remineralizing and seizes structural collapse.


Yes, that's $1.36 per question, and God help the patient who is treated by the PA who passes a test loaded with questions of that payment caliber. This is some scary Screw You! stuff we're dealing with this week for sure.

Announcement: Screw You! Contest Winner

I had too many good entries to choose from, so I had to use a random generator to select my winner. John H.'s name came up, so congratulations, John! A big thank you to all who entered and shared your stories with me.

For your reading enjoyment, here is John's entry.

John's Lead-In: I don’t ordinarily collect offensive job postings because the existence of them is too ordinary. I do have one story I’d like to share for your contest. In this case, the job posting on craigslist was reasonable and desirable. The response to my proposal is what merits Screw You! recognition, especially considering that this is a doctor-owned firm that is undoubtedly profitable enough that it doesn’t need to screw writers. The response could have been the original ad. In that case, I wouldn’t have wasted time writing to this doctor. I rarely do extensive work-for-free proposals, and never when I’m advised that it will be for a high-maintenance client who is seeking a low bid.

Here is the original posting, followed by my reply, the prospective client’s response, and the Screw You! letter I wrote, but did not send.


The Job Posting:
Newsletter Writer/Editor/Producer
ZoomCare's mission is to provide the most convenient medical care anywhere.

We are looking for an individual to write, edit and produce ZoomCare's monthly newsletter for our patients and the community we serve. Newsletter is distributed via print and internet.


The Client's Response to John's Application: I'm Dave Sanders, one of the co-founders of ZoomCare. You responded to our advertisement on Craig's List for an individual to write, edit and produce our monthly newsletter. We received many responses. Unfortunately, we cannot respond to each candidate personally. We are asking some of the candidates to respond to a few questions. Based on these questions, we will contact one or more candidates about working with ZoomCare on this project. If you would like to go forward, please do the following:

1. Please review our website and look at the newsletter on our website.
2. Please jot down your thoughts on how how you would give our newsletter a voice consistent with our vision and mission. Vivid examples will be most effective. Hint: ZoomCare is trying to go our own way and ignore industrialized medicine's conventional wisdom.
3. Each month ZoomCare will provide you with a proposed table of contents. We will outline and/or draft some of the material. (Over time, you will shape table of contents.)
4. Please tell us how much you would charge us for preparing our monthly newsletter. Please price excluding layout and optionally including layout. Price matters.

Notes.
1. Newsletter will be delivered via email and print.
2. Print version layout needs to be in Adobe InDesign.
3. Format for next print versions will be 8.5x14, 2 sides.

Though you will have questions, please pardon my request that you go about this without sending me questions. Based on your responses, I will call you to review your proposal. We understand that this approach will not work for many of you.

ZoomCare is a physician owned start-up aiming to change health care by building a family of retail and neighborhood based ultra-convenient medical care centers where the patient is the star of the show. We believe that for the right person this is an opportunity which will start small and grow.

Thank you for your interest in ZoomCare.

John't Unsent Reply, which I LOVE:

Dear Dr. Sanders:

I’m considering hiring you, among other candidates, to be my doctor. Please research my symptoms and my medical history, which are detailed on my Web site: &*(*&,)(&%#,#&^$!.com. Please research my condition and send me a written proposal outlining the treatment you would provide. Vivid examples will be most effective. Feel free to go your own way and ignore industrialized medicine's conventional wisdom. It hasn’t worked for me anyway.

I understand that you have a busy schedule of currently-paying patients and may not respond. You may have questions for me that would help you prepare a proposal, but hey, I’m busy, too.

Tell me exactly how much you would charge for preparing your proposed treatment. Price matters.

Thank you for your interest in having me as a patient.

The Ultimate Get-a-Clue Freelance Request for the Week of March 1, 2010

This week's Middle Finger Award winner could really use a good course in marketing because I'm not buying any of his/her salesy B.S.

Project Description: Short-Term Editorial Assistant Wanted For Self-Help Book

Specific Project Request: Author of a forthcoming self-published self-help book needs someone with a very strong background in English to act as an editorial assistant.

This is a short-term job and consists of checking the completed manuscript for punctuation and grammar. The manuscript is approximately 166 pages in length, 8 ½ x 11 inch, single-spaced. The chapters are in Word and will be e-mailed to the editorial assistant, and the work must be returned to the author using Word's Track Changes feature showing suggested changes. The “Comments” feature in Word should NOT to be used.

This project should only take the editorial assistant a week or two to complete at most. Compensation: The editorial assistant's name will appear on the book's Acknowledgment's page, listed as one of the book's editorial assistants, and $100 will be provided to the assistant at the conclusion of the work as a “thank you.” An employment reference is also a possibility for an outstanding job. The editorial assistant should be sensitive to the self-help genre.

Send your resume, a writing sample, and a cover letter describing the kind of editorial work you’ve done in the past, and why you want to play a part in this project.



A few points here before I get to the BIG Screw You!. First, industry-standard manuscripts are always double spaced, with 250 words per page being the billing basis. I estimate that this manuscript contains at least 83,000 words, and that's assuming the author hasn't used an 8-point font to cram even more in there. On that assumed basis, this job poster is offering a whole 1/10 of a cent per word. Nice small fortune--NOT!

Second, the job poster thinks this assignment will take someone two weeks, at most, to complete. Sure, that's possible, working near full time, but that would mean s/he is paying $50 per week, or about $1.50 per hour. I'd make more than that turning my couch upside down and I'd get the bonus of a few calories burned too.

Finally, a thank you and an employment reference to make up the difference? Really? Gee, I could get an employment reference from a client who pays me a heck of a lot better than that and for whom I'd do a much more excellent job because I'm being justly compensated. And if all I want is a thank you, I'll donate my time to a human being who genuinely needs my help, not a cheapskate monster like you.

That's three Screw You!s right there, and I'll bet my readers will come up with a few more.