Freelance Funny of the Day

My newspaper no longer carries one of my favorite comics, Fred Basset, so I've had to subscribe to the email version. Imagine my delight when this one arrived in my inbox. If the link doesn't work, check out the archives for3/31/2010.

The Ultimate Get-a-Clue Freelance Request for the Week of April 26, 2010

Project Description: 500 Simple Problems

Specific Project Request: We are looking for a creative writer with some education experience to write a fun little piece. We are looking for 500 short little problems with answers. 1-3 sentences max for each problem. You are writing them for a general audience so they should not be very difficult. The problems can be math based, riddles, and common sense stuff.

Here is an example of five problems for you to give you an idea of what we are looking for:.
1. How is the moon like a dollar?
They both have 4 quarters.

2. How many books can you put in an empty bag?
Only 1, after that the bag is not empty.

3. How many times can you subtract 6 from 60?
Once, after that it is no longer 60.

4. What the next number in this sequence? 31, 41, 43, 47, 53, ___

59. They are prime numbers.

5. A Taxi charges you $1.50 for the first mile and $.90 for each additional mile. How far could you go for $20 if you give the driver a $2 tip?
19 miles. 19.33 miles to be exact.


1. Format:

We are looking for 500 problems, just like the example. Done in excel format. We attached a sample file for you. Question in one column, answer in the next column. As you can see, 2-3 sentences should do it. If you want to go longer, that is fine too.

2. Time Frame:

Please indicate your expected time frame in your bid.

3. Where Can The Author Get The Ideas From?

All ideas must be originally written works. The content must be original and not provided by any outside source. With that said you can surely research for ideas. The ideas cannot be word-for-word or a direct strategy from an outside source. In most cases, you will find a good idea from somewhere and add a number of tweaks that make the idea completely different in some aspect.

4. Copy write

We will retain complete ownership and copyright to the work produced as a result of this project. You may use them in a portfolio, as many writers do.



This week's Middle Finger Award winner looked like a fun assignment ... until I saw the budget, which was, DUM, DUM DUM: under $500. Are you freaking kidding me? I'm sure I'm going to want to go longer than 2-3 sentences for less that $1 per Q&A. Wait a second. I'm not even willing to go 2-3 words for that rate. SCREW You! Furthermore, the sequence to #4 is incorrect. And "copy write"?

You Get What You Pay For: A Case Study

A member of one of my mailing lists shared this beauty of an article. It's the perfect example of what happens when you pay someone $10 for a 1,000-word SEO article: NEED-TO-KNOW INFO FOR HIRING A NONFICTION BOOK EDITOR. I know you'll all be trampling over each other to click the Follow Me birdie in the sidebar.

The Ultimate Get-a-Clue Freelance Request for the Week of April 19, 2010

Project Description: Contract Writers Needed for Article Writing Service

Specific Project Request: Major article writing company seeks contract writers for hire. Payment is once a week and articles generally pay between $.008-$.01 per word. UAW article writing experience is a plus. You MUST reside in the United States and New Jersey and Pennsylvania writers will be given preference. You must also be able to provide proof of residency in the United States along with signing off on a waiver that it is your responsibility to report taxes and also that all articles are property of company once they are completed. This is a 1099 position. If interested, please reply and a sample work order will be sent out for completion. It is imperative that you follow the work orders instructions completely or you will not be considered for the position.



Like I told Jessica M., who forwarded this project to me, "Yeah, like that would even be worth the time it takes to sign the freaking waiver!" Anyone who fails to "follow the work orders (or order's, as it should be spelled) instructions completely" will be doing themselves a BIG favor. BIG time Screw You!

New York Times Covers Demand Studios

I've been meaning to blog about this and just never got around to it. Hence, it's a little dated. However, I'm wondering if any of you have seen and what you think/thought of it: Plentiful Content, So Cheap.

I particularly love this line: "...the company has had no trouble signing up 7,000 steady contributors to bid for the work." No comment.

And this one: “We give them the flexibility to work when and where they want on stories that interest them..." Ummm, excuse my ignorance, but doesn't ALL freelancing work give you that?

And how about this: "the people who work with us are thrilled because there is such a lack of opportunity everywhere else..." There is? Interesting since I had enough work in March to be busy 10 hours a day, 5 days a week. And I could have had more. For the sake of my sanity, I turned it down or extended it to April.

But I have to say, this one is the most disturbing: “In a way, it is liberating, once you get over the anger and sadness of losing your job in a profession you love, to find out that you have a place that will pay you for doing something you are good at, something that isn’t Wal-Mart,” she said. “The pay part is difficult, but right now the price of a lot of what we do seems to be free.” Sorry, but seriously, I'd rather work at Wal-Mart ... and I haven't worked for free since LONG before the recession.

If You Can't Beat the Freelance Job Posters, Join 'Em

I'm officially on vacation, but I've just set several blog posts to go live while I'm away. So discuss amongst yourselves until I return.

This Craigslist posting was sent to me by a reader. It's a classic--not to be missed. Just in case it gets removed, I've pasted it below:

Write for us! (UK)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: 2010-04-06, 6:24PM BST
Reply to: job-wdpsf-1679106788@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Hi guys,

I need some excellent copywriters but I can't afford to pay you or anything crazy like that, so I'd like you to work for free to help set up the business that'll make me rich. At this point, we'll *definitely* pay you, or give you credit, or something.
You must submit a minimum amount of work, be in contact 24/7 and give up all rights to your writing.

Also I'd like someone to do my tax returns. Again I cannot afford to pay you but I'll make sure your name goes on the bottom of it.

(p.s: This could definitely/possibly lead to regular work in higher paid markets, where you can earn up to £0.30 per 20,000 word article!)


Location: UK
Compensation: Don't be silly!
Telecommuting is ok.
Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
Please, no phone calls about this job!
Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

The Ultimate Get-a-Clue Freelance Request for the Week of April 5, 2010

Usually my Middle Finger Award highlights a writing or editing project, because those are the types of assignments I take on. Reader Rachel McRoberts,who happens to be a translator, recently wrote to me about a project that served as an important reminder: Regardless of our specialites, we're all pretty much in the same freelance boat.

Instead of copying the project here, I'll point you to the blog on which she found it: Translation Times' Job Offer of the Week. The blog authors do a fine job of pointing out its Screw You! worthiness.

Freelance Funny of the Day

One of my Facebook friends uncovered this gem. Every once in a while I think about going back to a full-time position working for someone else. Then my sanity returns.

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