The Ultimate Get-a-Clue Freelance Request for the Week of May 31, 2010

Happy Memorial Day! In honor of the holiday, I'd like to institute a memorial to projects like this week's Middle Finger Award winner. Again, I'm leaving in the the poster's full name/contact. If he's proud enough to associate himself with this crap, I'm more than happy to send discontent freelancers his way. You know, when the sh%! hits the fan and all...

Project Description: Skilled writers


Specific Project Request: New web magazine need more skilled writers. Articles about interesting persons, places, events and wine and beer.
No compensation, except presentation and photo of you. philip.germyn@gmail.com

Freelance Funny of the Day

I particularly love the irony of "your writings gettin' sloppy."
Yeah, if you're going to put a video about copyediting up on YouTube, you should probably copyedit it first. And this guy's a journalism teacher? Still, a nice attempt at trying to stress the importance of perfect copy.

The Ultimate Get-a-Clue Freelance Request for the Week of May 24, 2010

Project Description: Copy Editor - General Topics - Telecommute (any)

Specific Project Request: Copy editor to edit and review documents on wide range of topics and styles (college papers, website content, sales letters, etc).
Work from home, pay is per $1.65 per 300 words (not a full time position).

Qualifications:
Excellent English grammar and writing, wide vocabulary, experience copy editing
This is a great job for students, writers, teachers and others looking for a flexible schedule and supplemental income

All documents to be edited are supplied via a Facebook application. To get started, you must pass the screening test to qualify as an editor.
Get started on Facebook here: http://cloudcrowd.com/i/932ec3 -- click "Edit Badly-Written English Paragraphs" to start the screening test.

Compensation: $15-20 /hour depending on experience



Let's break this week's Middle Finger Award winner down point by point, shall we? Yes, let's.

1. In order to make the $15-$20/hour this job promises, you'd have to edit 3,000+ words per hour. I'm a pretty good typer, and that's all I could type in an hour. That equates to 12 standard manuscript pages per hour, which is possible if you were just proofing for minor errors. At just over a half cent per word, however, badly written English paragraphs are going to need MUCH more than simple proofreading.

2.Thank the Lord this is NOT a full-time position.

3. Oh yes, this is a great job for established writers (see the Editorial Freelancer Association's standard rates to see how off the mark this assertion really is) and for teachers (who work nine months per year and make $50,000+). We all just love slashing our rates for opportunities like this one.

4. Would you really want to work for a company that conducts screening and business through a Facebook application? Anyone who's spent any amount of time on Facebook knows just how heavily almost every Facebook app needs to be edited. Just sayin'.

Headline Blooper of the Day

"Point of You Freelance writer - Male 35-55 that dates in that age group"

Note: You must be a narcissist to apply for this position.

Live and Let Live (The Typographical Error)?

As someone who cringes while reading my local newspapers at least once a week (yet is not immune to publishing my own typos every now and again), I found this article a delightful little read: Why Cry Over Split Milk?

I'm not sure I agree with the final assessment, but worth reading nonetheless.

The Ultimate Get-a-Clue Freelance Request for the Week of May 17, 2010

What I found most interesting about this week's Middle Finger Award winner was that the job poster placed her full name and contact information within the ad. I hope she's paying for that Screw You! stupidity with a lot of well-deserved email thrashing.

Specific Project Request: I´m looking for a professional corporate writer that would be happy making about 200 per week for 20 hours of work.

One that knows about finance. Should be located in the United states and should have a degree in English.

Company Details: Company that runs a financial oriented online publication, and has investments in many companies, helping them with the communications to the press among other things.

Is there a U.S.-based professional writer out there who would be happy making $10 per hour? If there is, please contact me. I can keep you busy myself. And please make sure you've got corporate experience (where you were paid substantially more) and that you spent tens of thousands of dollars on not only an English degree but also extra coursework in finance.

Seriously, I'm ashamed to even joke about an offer like that and I'm not even a company that has multiple investments that are presumably earning this outfit money. Or maybe they're not, and that's why they need a financial writer-cum-slave. Either way, this project deserves a huge Screw You!

Valuing My Freelance Worth

Today is Lori Widmer’s third annual Writer’s Worth Day. As a blogger who has participated in this observance since its inception, I’m proud to promote it again here at Screw You!

I consider myself a fortunate freelancer in that my response rate to job applications is pretty high, including Craigslist ads, where hundreds of people are vying for the same opportunities. I don’t say this to brag because my “closing the sale” rate isn’t anything worth spreading my tail feathers about. That’s because I flat out refuse to make certain concessions to obtain said positions.

Here are just a few recent examples.

1. I recently applied for a job for which I had samples similar to what the job poster was seeking, but not quite as extensive. When she replied, “If you’d like to submit a sample like that (an exact replica of what we need), we’d be open to that,” I responded with, “Unfortunately, I do not write on spec, so I can't provide you with the exact type of samples you need.” Needless to say I was summarily dismissed.

2. Then there was the copyediting test I took. (Yes, I do perform 1-2-page (but no more) edits free of charge because I feel editorial styles widely vary and assenting to a trial allows me to showcase my capabilities in comparison to others.) It was in a PDF file that needed to be printed and hard-copy edited, which I never do. I figured this was just a way to get around candidates using spell check to assist themselves. So, I did as instructed, scanned the hard copies and emailed them back. The guy then told me that they had clogged up his inbox at 20MB (they totaled only 1.3MB) and that he wanted me to convert them to PDFs. Having neither the correct software to do so nor the patience to work with someone that demanding before I’d even been hired, I declined.

Now mind you, these aren’t isolated incidents. In fact, both of them occurred within the last 10 days. Do I regret that I didn’t go the extra mile? Not for a Screw You! second. While I was turning down these convoluted demands, other jobs were coming my way that paid better than them anyway. And because I valued my worth as a writer in the first place, I had room in my schedule to accept them. Thank you, Lori, for reminding us how important such a mentality is.

Freelance Funny of the Day

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

The Ultimate Get-a-Clue Freelance Request for the Week of May 10, 2010

This week's Middle Finger Award winner really has me seething. Read on to see why.

Project Description: Write about Writing (CO (telecommute))

Specific Project Request: Hiya! I have a fresh Web site that is in need of content directed towards writers. I'm looking for an individual willing to do one post per week (400-600 words) to start.

The successful candidate will have knowledge in SEO, writing for Web, marketing, Social Media and must be proficient in English with the ability to proof and correct their posts.

The position pay is low to start, but will increase quickly as the site budget allows. (I've worked many years as a freelancer and know the value of time and product!)

Additional work could become available as a spot add and would be compensated accordingly.

Please forward your current resume with at least two writing samples in response to this ad.

Compensation: $5-$10 per post to start, will increase with budget increases at www.AWritersNook.com



I don't usually leave in contact information for the Screw You! projects I feature here, but in this case, since it was already blatantly advertised, I felt justified in doing so. What you do with that contact information is up to you.

So, AWritersNook Cheapskate, since you've "worked many years as a freelancer and know the value of time and product," how exactly does $0.008 (less than a penny a word) to $0.025 per word demonstrate said knowledge? If that's how you got your start, it's no wonder you're still struggling. Furthermore, why not just write the danged content yourself if you're such an established pro? That way, you could save up some money to compensate professional writers professionally, a rate you hint will be forthcoming, but we all know will never actually transpire. SCREW You!

The Ultimate Get-a-Clue Freelance Request for the Week of May 3, 2010

Can you seriously call yourself a "publisher" if you're paying your professional staff less than minimum wage? On that basis alone, this one gets my Middle Finger Award ... but it gets better. Read on for the sob story rationale.

Project Description: Editing manuscripts for book publisher

Specific Project Request: Publisher of political, history, anti-war books etc. needs help editing manuscripts for publication. It's a competitive business with low profit margins, so am hoping to find competent help at around $5-$6 per hour.

A wise old soul once said that wishing doesn't make it so. Neither does hoping--we can only pray it doesn't anyway. A big Screw You! to this publisher and to anyone who seriously responds to the ad.