Just Following Freelance Orders

Ever since I discovered the blog Clients from Hell, I've come to realize it doesn't matter whether you're a writer, an editor, a graphic designer, a Web developer, a virtual assistant or what have you. If you're a freelancer, the chances are pretty high that every other freelancer can relate to most, if not all, of your horror stories.

Case in point this post. It's been making the rounds, so you may have already seen it. If you haven't, you're in for a real treat: yeah thats not what I was looking for at all. Long-time Screw You! readers should also take note of the image in the 27b/6 logo.

The Ultimate Get-a-Clue Freelance Request for the Week of July 26, 2010

This week I've got a fun Middle Finger Award winner. I know, they're all fun, but this one's fun in a different sort of way.

Project Description: Ghost Writer wtd.

Specific Project Request: I am looking for an individule to Ghost Write/or co-write a book about the Legalization of Weed. Send me your resume and why you are best suited for this book.

Granted, this could be a legitimate assignment, but it could also be a law enforcement officer in disguise. Regardless, I'm betting the responses this poster receives will be mighty entertaining.

An aside: You think it could be that all the weed this poster smoked killed the brain cells that used to know how to spell individual? Nah!

In Support of a Fellow Freelancer

Today's post is a shameless promotion, but it's not a self-promotion. One of my favorite bloggers and long-time readers, Debbi Mack is attempting to reach #1 in the Kindle store with the launch of her collection of short stories, Five Uneasy Pieces. If she achieves that goal, she'll be giving away a $100 Best Buy gift certificate, a $25 Cookie Lee gift certificate and free music downloads.

I've had the pleasure of reading Debbi's first book, which I gave a 4-out-of-5-star review on Amazon. Learn more about the launch event here.

The Ultimate Get-a-Clue Freelance Request for the Week of July 19, 2010

Project Description: SEO content writing for my Website (minnesota)


Specific Project Request: I have a hand sanitizer website and i need some great writing done that will be good for seo and also a joy for people to read.

If you can write well by golly send me an email. pay is negotiable i dont have a big budget.

but im always up for ideas and helping each other out ya know!

SPEAK WITH U SOON.

Yo! Wat up wit dis project? By golly, gee Wally, somehow I suspect this "helping each other out ya know!" means you want someone to work for free in exchange for ... oh, I don't know, maybe lessons in IM speak? I don't know what gave me that impression, but here's a news flash. We writerly types tend to like writing proper and all. By golly, I know that's probably hard for you to understand, so here's something that isn't: Screw You!

Writing Contest

I got an email a few weeks ago from the promoter of this contest: Insurance Related Essay Contest. He asked if I'd be interested in sharing it with my readers. After checking it out, I believe it to be legit. There's no entry fee as far as I can tell, and since most freelancers have to contend with way more insurance issues than most individuals, I also feel it's relevant to my readers. The deadline is December 13, 2010, so there's plenty of time to write and polish an entry. Word limit is 350 words, so it shouldn't take up too much time either.

The Ultimate Get-a-Clue Freelance Request for the Week of July 12, 2010

Reader Stacy Ranta sent along this week's Middle Finger Award winner.











It's not the lack of pay that earns this posting the Screw You! bird. Projects guilty of that no-no are a dime a dozen. Rather, it's as Stacy pointed out, "They don't even send you a complimentary copy of the magazine. You get a digital copy that you have to ASK for. How lame is that?"

Pretty darn lame, Stacy!

Stacy also did her research on the company and learned that "it's some kind of Christian religious site/media production studio that offers classes and workshops." I find it an embarrassment that such ploys are so closely associated with Christianity.

Poking Fun at the Freelance Job Ads

Another professional writer has taken a sarcastic stab at exposing the not-so-subtle insults found in a great many Craigslist job ads. I'm jealous. Here's the direct link, but I've pasted the commentary below in case it gets taken down: Writing Rock Stars Wanted (Virtual). Whoever you are, Craigslist poster, I applaud you.

Writing Rock Stars Wanted (Virtual)

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Date: 2010-06-07, 4:11AM EDT
Reply to: gigs-bwmzr-1779094310@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

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We are an online company that needs writers of the highest caliber to ensure that our content is truly the best that it can be. We will have a steady amount of work for the right candidates, and will look to expand each candidate's "span of work" as he or she grows with us.

We want people who are available on-call, either during normal business hours or overnights. In addition, we need writers who are comfortable with such elements as CMS, etc - those who can go beyond the normal scope of "just writing," (so, for instance, new copy can be uploaded, etc.). We are also expecting all candidates to be able to provide us with a short sample based on a set of topics we provide. Additionally, we would like writers who have, through experience, acquired particularly strong skills in certain subject areas and who can work independently. Lastly, we are looking for writers who have developed a serious marketing focus in their writing, as this will quickly prove to be a valuable asset to us.

What is the pay off? To start with, we will speak to you as if you are idiots, by listing all the expectations above a truly insulting rate of pay for your valuable time. We will continue to completely blur the normally crystal clear line between the words "professional" and "intern." We fully understand the difference between the "professional" with a tremendous body of work who works to do things like eat, pay rent, etc. and the "intern" who has already shined at their college newspaper and is understandably looking to fatten up a portfolio so they can start a career as a wordsmith. But overall, we don't care. We will continue to do this so that we can attempt to deal with both on the same level, yet expect the same quality of work as well. As we grow, we will look for other ways to exploit professionals such as yourselves for our own ends. Instead of heading over to such English-rich areas such as Sri Lanka for our content, we prefer to hold onto and apply this "outsource by force" mentality over here.

So we look forward to hearing from you soon. The sooner you get back to us, the sooner we can continue to both patronize you as a contractor and insult your intelligence as a professional.

This is also a joke and was written by a writer who, while his workload is steady, truly feels for those who depend on services like CL for leads, etc. This also condemns clients who expect quality for diddly to eternal business purgatory.




Location: Virtual
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
Compensation: $8 per hour (after one year)

The Ultimate Get-a-Clue Freelance Request for the Week of July 5, 2010

Project Description: Writing Document for Internet Publishing (Anywhere)

Specific Project Request: I am a bankruptcy attorney. In an attempt to optimize my websites, my webguru has advised that I need to publish articles that discuss the topic and site my websites in one or more places. The articles can be of any length and only need to make sense somewhat. No expertise in the subject matter is required. The more legally cited the more reliable, but Google cannot read for content. The content must have keywords included that clearly identify the nature of the article and content that is 100% unique. I can pay per article or per page. I am not looking for a Pulitzer, only content good enough to publish for a backlink. Thanks for looking.

I see these "you don't have to know how to write" ads a lot, and I have to admit they puzzle me. Maybe it's the perfectionist in me but why put something out there for all the world to read if it's not the best it can be? Even worse, why pay someone to produce poor copy when you can do it for free yourself?

This one, however, really stumps me. Here's an attorney who presumably makes good money (s/he works in bankruptcy after all) and who therefore has a certain image to project. I just have to ask, if you searched out a professional on the Web and found his or her site littered with garbage (or even linked to such B.S.), would you trust them to rescue you from financial despair? I wouldn't. I'd give them a big "Screw You!" and move on as fast as my little fingers could click the mouse button.