The Ultimate Get-a-Clue Freelance Request for the Week of August 30, 2010

Project Description: Writer Needed. Odd Job.

Specific Project Request: I need about 35 pages of freshman-undergraduate-level bullshit on Anerican Literature. I'm almost 30. I don't need this shit. I'll pay you, say $350. Or make your offer. I need this in like 2-3 weeks. Unemployed writers, help me out!

Thank you.


Location: Chicago
Compensation: $350 O.B.O.

Oh lordy, where do I start with why this one earned a Middle Finger Award? First off, what do you think makes this an odd job? The fact that the poster wants bull$%!t, or the fact that s/he's actually offering to pay for it. Just making an obvious observation, but can't anyone come up with bull$%!t. Bull$%!t's free all over the place.

Or do you think perhaps it's because this poster needs "Anerican" Literature bull$%!t. That might make the task more challenging. I'll refrain from ranting over the fact that this person is preying on the desperation of unemployed writers to help him/her cheat, but it might explain why s/he is is 30 and still trying to earn a degree Suffice it to say, it all adds up to a BIG Screw You!

Contest Reminder and Extension

Because I haven't received many entries (C'mon, people, doesn't every freelancer have a need for additional business cards?), I'm going to extend the contest until Labor Day. I'll pick the winners the morning of September 7, 2010. Contest rules can be found here.

Another Freelance Editing Nightmare: Apostrophe Abuse

Recently, I've been encountering a LOT of capitalization misuse. It's seems everywhere I turn these days, everyone and her mother thinks it's trendy to put a capital letter at the beginning of a word for Emphasis or to give it more Importance. Pshaw.

In that vein, and piggybacking off the popularity of the "blog" of "unnecessary" quotation marks, I present to you a fairly new blog for your enjoyment, one that's devoted to pointing out grammatical insanities (Screw Yous!): Apostrophe Abuse.

The Ultimate Get-a-Clue Freelance Request for the Week of August 16, 2010

Having recently taken a commenter to task for expecting me to tell her exactly where to go and who to call to secure freelance jobs that pay better than Demand Studios, I'm fit to be tied right now about any insinuations regarding what I should do, when and how I should do it, and how much I should be paid (or in this case not paid). Therefore, this project easily earns my Middle Finger Award. Note the buzzword "topping-up." Grates my ears just like "article spinning" does.

Project Description: Part-Time Editor (Virtual Office)

Specific Project Request: This is a great opportunity for someone, who has impeccable grammar and has free time available from 9AM – 1PM Central Time, Monday - Friday. This schedule is not flexible. If you cannot work during this time, please do not apply. This is a contract position.

This is an ongoing position, not a defined contract. In this job, you will be responsible for reviewing, editing and topping-up web articles. The articles range from 300 – 600 words in length. The average article is about 400 words. They cover a range of subjects. Expect to edit between 20 and 50 articles, per day.

Each article needs to be edited for grammar, with a focus on punctuation. About 50% of the time, the articles will need to be topped-up in length. For example, the article was supposed to be 500 words, in length. Upon review and editing, the article came out to be only 489 words long. You would be responsible for adding another sentence, to get the article to 500 words. No article will require more than 25 words, ever.
Most of the articles will require some punctuation. Some will require sentence structure or verb tense changes. A few will need all of the above, plus some additional grammatical changes. Once in a while, there will be an article, which is garbage. Don’t worry. Simply mark the article as REJECTED, and move onto the next one. Overall, we have very good writers that take the time to review their work with grammatical software.
Our experience has been that most articles take <5 minutes to edit. We will pay you on a per-article basis. Payment will be $0.50 per edited article. Articles will be sent to you each morning, around 9AM. The edited articles are due back by 2PM.

NOTE:
As part of the interview process, you will be asked to edit one 250 word article. If you meet the criteria, listed above, and can show practical editorial knowledge, you’re hired.

Screw You! Earns 2010 Top Freelance Writing Blog Award

Emma Lee of Online PhD programs recently wrote to let me know this blog had been chosen as a 2010 Top Freelance Writing Blog.

The winner's circle is a very solid list of 40 very worthy awardees. Screw You! landed in the middle of the pack at 25 and I'm very honored to be in such company. I'm even more tickled by the personal note Emma included in her email to inform me of my placement: "And I love your posts about the 'middle finger award.'"

Me too, Emma! As long as my readers keep reading and my unadoring job posters keep posting Screw You!-worthy assignments, I'll keep handing them out.

Contest: Win Free Freelancer Business Cards

The folks over at PrintRunner, LLC have generously offered to provide a set of 250 business cards to three lucky Screw You! readers. I've checked out the site and they've got some really unique and elegant designs. I'm kind of bummed that I can't enter myself, but you can. More information about the company and how to win follows.

Win 250 FREE Business Cards from PrintRunner.com!

If you're a freelancer – irreverent or otherwise – you're going to need business cards. Why? Because they offer an easy way to give your name, number, email and website to new contacts without having to go through the hassle of finding a pen and a piece of paper. Because they lend you an invaluable air of professionalism. Because they're an easy, affordable way to market your services. Because they let you enter lunch giveaways at restaurants.

Whatever your reasons may be, business cards are undeniably essential, and PrintRunner.com is offering you the chance to win one of three sets of 250 custom cards! What can you expect from your brand new cards?

• One-sided or double-sided, depending on your preference.
• Available in both full color and black & white.
• Printed on 14-pt card stock with water-resistant coating to protect and preserve your information.
• Cards are fully customizable; design from scratch, or use one of hundreds of templates available on the PrintRunner website.

PrintRunner.com is a Southern California-based online printing company that offers much more than mere business cards, including posters, flyers, brochures, table tents, door hangers and more. They pride themselves on their fast turnaround time and attentive customer service department, and were recently cited as one of the fastest-growing private companies in America.

Ready to enter? Here are the rules:

1. No purchase necessary.
2. Contest open to U.S. residents age 18 and over.
3. Winners may not be employed by PrintRunner, LLC or the relative of a PrintRunner, LLC employee.
4. Multiple entries allowed per person: one for each comment; one for each linkback on your blog or social media site (link must be provided in comments for entry to count).
5. Entries accepted until August 25, 2010.
6. Each eligible entry will be assigned a number and a random generator will select three winners shortly after the closing date.
7. Good luck!