The Ultimate Get-a-Clue Freelance Request for the Week of November 29, 2010

How was your Thanksgiving? Today I'm thankful that I'm not in the position of this week's Middle Finger Award. Big thanks to Lori Widmer from Words on the Page for passing this one along. We got a big kick out of it, and I thought you all should too.

Project Description: Resume Writer (really good resume writer)

Specific Project Request: I'm a small business owner that had to close my business and i'm looking to "suckle the corporate tit" and need to rewrite half of my resume.
I'm hoping to obtain an executive level position. If you have a lot of experience with this, especially IT resumes please reply and let me know what you would charge.
I'm on the brink of bankruptcy as I was unable to apply for unemployment so please aim low.


I have to admit, if I had to go out looking for a corporate job after so many years of freelancing, I'd probably feel the same way, though I highly doubt I'd word it quite that way in an ad. I wonder if he's going to tell his prospective employers the same thing? Surely that's the golden ticket to "an executive level position," right? Or I guess only if the big boss is female, eh?

And "please aim low"--is that on the price quote or on what to expect from his background to work with? Looks like the Screw You! works both ways with this one.

The Ultimate Get-a-Clue Freelance Request for the Week of November 22, 2010

I had a reader write to me to share this week's Middle Finger Award winner with me, and although it was listed under Administrative Support, I couldn't resist sharing it with you.

Project Description: Vaccination for Bubonic Plague in Istanbul.

Specific Project Request: Tomorrow (12-Oct-2010) I will travel to Istanbul, Turkey and will need to take a bubonic plague. I need help finding a place to give me this vaccination. I have the entire day to get this done but only this day.
Please:
- Find a place with vaccination
- If possible make an appointment for me (I would prefer late morning i.e. 10am-12pm)
- Email me details for appointment or hospital so I tell taxi where to take me.
Thanks,
Germaine

The sender said the project was posted by an American. Seeing as how D-Day had come and gone with the project going unawarded, she (sarcastically) worried about Germaine's whereabouts, and even more so the state of his health.

If you're out there, Germaine, I beg of you please do us all a favor and contact us to let us know you haven't died from the Bubonic plague. After all, I wouldn't wish that kind of Screw You! on my worst enemy.

More Views from the Content Mills

Right after I published Bird's-Eye View of the Freelance Content Mills, a boatload of other exposes on DS and its ilk came to my attention.

An anonymous reader shared this one with me: In Demand--A week inside the future of journalism. You can read my take on this one in the comments of the aformentioned blog post.

Shortly thereafter, these two showed up in my various news feeds:

My Summer on the Content Farm

Demand Media Refugee Dumps $7/hr. Editing Gig; Writes for Awl for Free

Entertaining reading all of it.

The Ultimate Get-a-Clue Freelance Request for the Week of November 15, 2010

Project Description: 50 Page weight loss book,english writer

Budget: Less than $250

Specific Project Request: I have 57 page book that needs proof read an edit and i need someone to add another 50 pages to the book.
I need help on coming up with a title of this book. In this book i talk about 90 days transforamtion and how to defeat pleatus and ect.
i need someone who knows about the human body and motivation. Then I would like for them to tie it in to the book. I talk about kids who are obese in my book.
i would need someone to do small basic research on the book. I want the book to be personal one on one. I designed the 90 day part program that works for anyone.

I help kids who are obese that cant afford a person trainer. I offer these programs to anyone that can afford it. I need to get this book done in the next 2 weeks or less.

I would like to have a published writer that has the skills to write and to connect with kids and adults. This book will be self published as well as a ebook.
Must be able to write engilsh very good and be able to connect. Published offer or someone that can prove to me that they have the skills to write.
human body
motivation
diet & weight loss
Kids

My max budget is for $100 to get this book done. Add 50 pages and edit 57 pages which about 10 pages are pictures.


Well, my, my, my, is that all you would like? Are you sure? With all the typos I found in your one-paragraph posting, I'd charge you a hundred bucks just to edit the pages that are mostly pictures.

That aside, you need the manuscript doubled in size but you think that's going to require only "small basic research." Yeah, cuz I suspect that's all the existing 57 pages have had too, right?

It's nice that you want to help kids who can't afford a personal trainer, but honestly, unless you pay a good writer and researcher a professional rate, they'd be better off without the kind of help you're likely going to be giving them.

Freelance Funny of the Day

I know a lot of you are fans of I Can Haz Cheez Burger, so you may have seen this one already. It's worth seeing again. If you don't like my changes...

Now that's my kind of Screw You! cat!

The Ultimate Get-a-Clue Freelance Request for the Week of November 8, 2010

This week's Middle Finger Award winner answers the mind-boggling question: If a picture is worth a thousand words, what are one thousand articles worth? The answer is, apparently, $300. And that's just the tip of the Screw You! iceberg on this one. Read it and weep.

Project Description: 1,000 Articles


Specific Project Request: I need 1,000 articles about online degree programs. Each article must be at least 650 words.

The project is a fixed price project so please bid for the whole project and not on a per-article basis. Our budget is $0.30 per article or $300 for the whole project.

The articles must be well-researched, grammatically correct, and of very high quality.

I will consider non-native English speakers but only if you're completely fluent and your writing skills are extremely good. It's not an option to sound like a non-native English speaker.

All articles must pass copyscape, a service that detects whether the content has been plagiarized. Revisions must be sent within 24 hours. Refused revisions means payment will be forfeited for the article.

If you're interested in this project, kindly send me three samples of your written work that I can evaluate.

Bird's-Eye View of the Freelance Content Mills

Ten months since it was first published, my expose on Demand Studios is still drawing controversial comments. Those who disagree with my take seem to think I'm just a content mill hater, but plenty of others who've tried out such models in much less limited ways than I did are speaking out about their experience ... usually not in the most savory way.

A few months back, PBS even picked up on the story: Writers Explain What It's Like Toiling on the Content Farm The big takeaway: "The successful writers I interviewed made great efforts to conceal their identities while working for the content farm."

Read it and form your own opinions.

The Ultimate Get-a-Clue Freelance Request for the Week of November 1, 2010

This Middle Finger Award winner sounded like a great opportunity until I got to the "potential" part. It was all downhill from there.

Project Description: Press Release Writer (Marketing Agency) (Remote)

Specific Project Request: Marketing director for a digital marketing agency needs help writing a press release this week! Basic copy will be provided. Need help editing and adjusting tone and wording.

Requires a creative writer who has experience writing powerful press releases for the advertising, marketing or digital agency experience.

One time gig now. Potential for other freelance writing projects.

Reply with your information.


Location: Remote
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
Compensation: 20.00


You need a press release this week?! You're seeking a creative with a powerful writing style?! You want him/her to have agency experience?!



You're paying $20 for all that?!!! Um, no, Screw that!