Merry Freelancing Christmas!

Okay, I know I said my previous post would be my last one until after the holidays, but I couldn't resist sharing the 12 Days of Christmas — copy-editor style. Enjoy, and Merry Christmas to all and to all a Screw You!-less night.

The Ultimate Get-a-Clue Freelance Request for the Week of December 20, 2010

This will be my last post until after the holiday season. If you celebrate, may yours be a blessed one. See you all in 2011 for a new year of Screw You! fun.

Maybe I was just feeling ultra Middle Fingery when I spotted this ad, but I'm sorry. Anyone who posts a job ad that is this poorly spelled should not be writing a series (or serrier even) of books.

Teenage christian childeren fantacy

i have started book one of 5 of a serrier of books that i would like to get a quote on. Each book is about 100-200 pages to be writen for a high school christian audance. These are fantacy books. that have a strong christian moral message. The books will have lots of character devlopment, witty writeing, funny, romantic, action filled, with strong moral message. i would like to hire someone who i can work with for all 5 books. but this is a one book at atime project. it's: write one, publish one, sell one. then move on to the next.

i have begun writing the first and i have a written outline for the story and what how i want the story written. There is some room and flexablity in pase and feel of it. but remeber it's writen for teens.i need to find someone who can help me put this together in a marketable manner and most importantly someone who is flexable and able to addapt to my style of writting. i'm always fair and nice but i can be very direct in what i want done. (not to scare you off).

This project dose not yet have a strong timeline but one will be assablished when i choose a ghost to work with. if this sound like something you can and want to work on with me please let me know and please send me a quote as soon as you can.

thank you so much for your time,

RB (name withheld)

Freelance Holiday Giveaway

I recently won a copy of Peter Bowerman's The Well-Fed Writer as part of a prize package. However, I already have a copy autographed to me personally. Because I think every freelance writer should read this book, I'd like to give the second copy away. First person (U.S. only please) to post a comment AND send me your snail-mail addy gets it. (My email address is in my profile. Click through to read my entire profile.) The giveaway copy is signed by Peter but not to me personally.

The Ultimate Get-a-Clue Freelance Request for the Week of December 13, 2010

This week's Middle Finger Award winner earns the dubious distinction on the basis of making a freelance job request sound like a very bad telephone or spam scam.

Project Description: Need Parody of Rap song! (Union Square)

Specific Project Request: Hi all,

I am looking to produce a 3-5 minute music video - "Parody of Rap Song", which pokes fun at rap music videos.

I'd like the song to be catchy, funny, and fun.

I'm looking for something similar to what you see from PantlessKnight's Channel on youtube: {URL deleted} Please take a look at my channel to see what I've done: {URL deleted--but trust me it was Brie cheesy}

More work to come your way if I like your style!

Msg me the song, and if I like it, we can collaborate/chat to make the finishing product - so, don't worry about stolen work. You're part of the team!

•Compensation: $20.00 for the right song!

That's right, not only is this job poster asking people to write on spec (and a spec piece that would be near impossible to market or sell anywhere else, I have to add), but he's also asking bidders to trust him with their freely given creativity. And why would anyone do that? Because, number one, he's posted the project on Craigslist and everyone knows how trustworthy Craigslist posters are, right? And, number two, because if he picks your song out of all those who were desperate enough to respond, he'll pay you a whole twenty bucks.

This one gets a great big Screw You! for asking freelance writers to break almost every rule in the no-no book.

Poorly Edited Email Lands Principal in Deep Doo-Doo

Oh, and I thought I had it bad that I can't stand to read my local newspapers thanks to a lack of copyediting. Imagine getting something like this from your kid's principal: Principal's bad grammar angers parents.

Look, a lot of people aren't the best spellers or grammarians, but for pity's sake, if you happen to be one of them and you're a professional, hire someone to do the editing for you. Your reputation, which is worth a whole lot more than the few pennies per word you'd be paying, depends on it.

And if you decide not to, well, I don't really need to say Screw You! You're just screwing yourself.

The Ultimate Get-a-Clue Freelance Request for the Week of December 6, 2010

I've left the location in for this week's Middle Finger Award winner because I thinks it's key to its Screw You! worthiness.

Project Description: Freelance Copywriter (New York)


Specific Project Request: Looking for a freelance copywriter to write website content for SEO / Web Development company based in New York. paying $10 per page.
please email resume or sample


Ten bucks per page is crap no matter where you live, but in New York City? Please. You'd be better off playing your ukulele in the subway. And if this company can afford to be based in NYC, they ought to have enough cash lying around to at least match the content mill rates. That's my Screw You! story anyway ... and I'm sticking to it.

Getting a Freelance Editing Handle on Ahold

I once heavily edited a 100,000+-word manuscript for an author, and if I do say so myself, the finished product was near flawless. However, the author came running back to me insisting I'd overlooked a few things. Why? Because MS Word, in its far-from-perfect spell- and grammar-checking ways, was underscoring them in (GASP!) its accusatory scarlet lettering.

One of the matters I was taken to task for was letting the word "ahold" stand instead of changing it to "a hold." I stood my ground. Many moons later, Writer's Digest has provided me with vindication.

Screw you, Microsoft Word! Is "Ahold" a Word? And thank you, Writer's Digest, for setting the record straight.