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Thursday, June 02, 2011

Freelance Guest Post

I should be back shortly with a new batch of Screw You!s. In the meantime, enjoy this (rather hysterical) guest post.


“Lateness Excuses from Freelance Writers: as Funny as It Can Get”

Imagination is one of the defining qualities of a professional and successful freelance writer. However, a successful freelancer should also incorporate other professional qualities: education, articulateness, punctuality, etc. This list includes some freelance writers who only got the “imagination” part right. These folks’ lateness excuses are, to put it mildly, quite creative.

I merely looked through the list of deactivated writers with Custom-Writing.org project whose orders were routinely late, and always had a unique excuse to go along with the lateness. Therefore, I'm fairly confident that most of these explanations were simply made up. If not, then these folks make a dandy list of the most unfortunate people on the planet.

These are just in random order, so you can pick your “leaders”. The quotes here represent their messages to the support team. They are slightly edited to remove some personal information and make them more understandable apart from their context. OK, here we go:

“Usually before I go to bed, I have a glass of warm milk. I usually finish with the milk and leave it next to my lamp on the drawer. But this time I didn't feel like finishing the glass, and left it half full on the drawer. I left my laptop right next to my slippers, on the floor. It turned out that during the night, I probably moved the glass with my hand. So it fell to the floor, spilling the milk all over the laptop. Now it’s not working, I have to take it to the repair shop and it might take more than couple of days to get it back. I have all of the work saved there and so now I can't finish the assignment. Begging for an extension!” At least for him, the glass is half-full.

“I had to travel to Dubuque to visit my cousin. His girlfriend dumped him just a couple of days prior to my arrival. So he was really depressed. Plus his PC went down, leaving him without his favorite pastime – online games. I felt really sorry for him, so I left him my laptop, because I knew, I'll be coming back within a couple of weeks, and can take it back then. What I didn't realize is that my home computer did not contain the files I used for the work on the project. They were also gone from my inbox, although you sent me them to my address. So if you could just please provide an extension and send the files all over again, I'll have the order completed in no time!” Additional comments: he only responded with the tale of his PC when we contacted him regarding the lateness.

“I lost my car keys after a birthday party of my friend. I don't know why – but I walked home and fell asleep, in the morning I realized that I had to finish up the paper. The flash drive with the work was in the car. So I was determined to break the window to get it out of the glove compartment. When I went to my friends house to get the car, it turned out that he got it into his garage, because he actually had my keys. But I only was able to find that out when he came back from the mall, and told me everything. I waited for him on his porch for a couple of hours until he arrived. I wasn't able to get him to answer my calls, because while he was at the mall, he left the phone in the car, because he didn't want to be bothered after last night. Anyway, that's how I wasted almost 12 hours out of the deadline and I would appreciate an extension, if possible, to have this whole thing done and avoid any penalties.” I don't even know what to comment about this one. She would have been better off just saying that she's sick and needs more time.

Just a couple of short ones as a dessert:
“I was backpacking in the mountains; my laptop was struck by lightning...” OK...stop...just...Wow! I won't even type the rest; it gets even crazier from there.

“My PC was hacked in, now I can't open anything on it and can't even use it. It has to be repaired and I'm writing to you from my iPhone.” This one is also brilliant because we initiated an investigation determined to shut down his account because all of the latenesses. Moreover, the IT department determined that the IP address of the sender was the same as usual and the browser version he used wasn't a mobile edition. This means, he was using his PC, to inform us that his PC was disabled.

I hope that if you work in the freelance writing business or are going to order something from a freelance writer, you won’t find be like one of these folks, or get partnered with one of them! :)

Have a great day, and good luck with your career.

James Whitaker,editor at Custom-Writing.org

Visit him at his Twitter account: CusWriting.

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14 Comments:

At June 2, 2011 at 12:30 PM, Blogger Star Lawrence said...

Why were these people fired? They can really pad a word count.

 
At June 2, 2011 at 1:55 PM, Blogger Lori said...

That is HILARIOUS! And Star, from my experience, these fools are the ones who get promotions and corner offices. It ain't fair.

 
At June 2, 2011 at 2:30 PM, Blogger Katharine Swan said...

I feel bad for the first person. Spilling something on my computer is one of my biggest fears... Though I'm not sure why the long explanation about the milk was necessary, LOL. In any case, I think I'll go back up all my files now!

Does anyone here remember when I burned my hand a year ago by accidentally pouring hot water over it? It got infected and took me out of commission for a couple of weeks. I even had to go to the ER because the swelling wouldn't go down! My point is, though, that as fantastical as some excuses may be, that doesn't mean they aren't true!

 
At June 2, 2011 at 2:32 PM, Blogger Katharine Swan said...

Just one other thing -- it's possible that the person emailing from their iPhone may have been telling the truth. iPhones can connect to the same home network as your regular computer, which would explain the same IP address. And I don't know whether the iPhone's Safari would show up as any different than the computer version -- the point of the iPhone is that it's NOT limited to mobile sites, but can surf the web with the full functionality of any computer.

 
At June 3, 2011 at 6:33 AM, Blogger EternalNeophyte said...

I visited the website custom-writing.org. The bar on the top of the window says that they write essays for $10.49 per piece. So, I am sure they are paying the writers in equivalent currency. For such low paid writers, it's not a big wonder they don't deliver stuff with punctuality.

Anyways, the excuses were hilarious yet most rang true to me .. usually, in real life, stranger things happen and apart from the one who says he left his laptop for his brother to play online games, all of the writers have me on their side :)

 
At June 3, 2011 at 9:35 AM, Blogger jessica said...

I have been reading your blog for a very long time. I suppose you can say I am a faithful reader, but hardly have the time to leave comments. This guest post, however, moved me to do so. In looking at the site from which the guest poster comes, and knowing your avid "screw you" attitude towards low paying jobs, such as the jobs custom-writing.org offers, I am quite surprised you would even allow this person to reveal where they write, let alone post at all. So unlike you to promote people and sites like this, free guest post or not. As for the excuses, I have had stranger things happen to me, so I side with the writers... Great laughs, though.

 
At June 3, 2011 at 9:51 AM, Blogger Irreverent Freelancer said...

Jessica, you make a good point. So a disclaimer is in order: I don't endorse any of my guest posters or the sites they promote. I do allow them to put a link to any site they like, however. For the record, I'm against academic writing (cheating) but I can't prevent such services from doing business. I hope my readers are intelligent enough to make the right decision in all such regards.

Readers of this post, enjoy the laughs, but those who click-through should be aware that I am in no way connected to the sevice being offered.

 
At June 3, 2011 at 9:59 AM, Blogger Irreverent Freelancer said...

EternalNeophyte, please refrain from putting links in comments. I've already given credit to the author. You must be seeing something different than I am too, because I'm not getting that pricing bar. So, I just clicked through to the pricing tab. It appears to me as though the lowest rate offered is $16.49. I don't know if that's per page or what, but (not that this makes the site any beter than them) if it is it's higher than most of the content mills pay.

 
At June 7, 2011 at 6:48 AM, Anonymous EP said...

Those are good. The next one will be my dog ate my car keys and knocked over my glass of milk in Dubuque, even though I don't even live there, then he and my laptop were struck by lightning just after he had eaten my homework, I mean translation.

 
At June 15, 2011 at 3:06 PM, Anonymous Emily Suess said...

These are great for a chuckle! Glad you shared them and glad Google Reader recommended your blog when I went browsing.

 
At June 17, 2011 at 7:39 PM, Anonymous Debra Stang said...

Although I try never to run late with my projects, it has happened once in a (very) great while. I think next time I'll forget the great excuse and just stick with, "The cat ate my laptop."

 
At June 29, 2011 at 8:50 AM, Anonymous Letter Examples said...

Great post. I like it. I do get the content from freelancers however not from the type of folks that you have mentioned. I feel sad about it and people should be professional at whatever job they are up to.

 
At July 20, 2011 at 9:17 AM, Blogger Alex Fremton said...

haha, excuses be like cuses ye get yeself divorced from. ain't no use in mating with a cuse my papa always said, haha! mama would be all like, don't say things like that gerald, he's just a boy even though i wasn't no boy.

 
At May 29, 2013 at 2:30 AM, Anonymous read more said...

Just found this blog, it's *** epic :)
I'm not a freelancer, but I like it...

 

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