The Ultimate Get-a-Clue Freelance Request for the Week of February 28, 2011

A little highly specialized knowledge goes a REALLY short way with this week's Middle Finger Award...

Project Description: Write Multiple Choice Biology Questions

Specific Project Request: I am trying to populate a quiz software program with multiple-choice questions relating to introductory biology.

I am looking for a reliable person who has knowledge of biology and enjoys writing multiple choice questions. You will need to be familiar with the material and write multiple choice questions that somewhat match questions you might see on an AP Biology exam.

You will be expected to write 5 questions for free at the beginning of the project, before we take you on. This is to let us know how well you will do, and so that we can guide you in writing the rest of the questions.

Once you are chosen, we will send you the relevant materials and/or provide you with topics. It will help if you have a version of the Campbell Biology book (8th edition is best, but any version will do.)

Please note that you will be required to adhere to a standard format, because we feed our questions through an automated program. A "question" equals the question, 5 answer choices (a through e), a hint, and a solution/explanation.

DURATION
For now, this is a single, week-long project. Your questions would be due by noon on Saturday, January 29th.

If you do well, there are nearly endless opportunities for you to do more. I will need as many as 20,000 questions for various subjects, from biology to economics. If you do well on this project, I will immediately sign you up for at least 5 more weeks of similar projects.

COMPENSATION
You will be paid 25 cents per question. You can write as few as 200 questions or as many as 1,000. (Note that you will be expected to write a minimum of 200 questions if you decide to take on this project.)

Payment can be made via check or PayPal—however you would prefer. You will get paid at the end of the project.

COPYRIGHT ISSUES
You will have to sign a document that indicates that you either wrote the questions or that you have copyright clearance over the questions, and that you are turning over any such rights to us. (For example, you will not be able to simply copy the Campbell Biology test bank.) We are looking for original questions that we can use without any concern about copyright liability.

WHAT TO DO IF YOU ARE INTERESTED
If you are interested, please e-mail me a statement of interest, and a little bit about why are a good match. I will be making a selection either Sunday or Monday.



Dear Quiz Question Populator,

I just read your job posting for a MC Biology question writer and I think I'm a good match because I recently graduated with a B.S. degree in biology. I spent $100,000 obtaining the knowledge of biology you're seeking. At your rate of $0.25 per question, I should be able to pay off that education 400,000 questions from now. I realize you have a need for only 20,000 questions at this time, but won't you please help me put a dent in my student loan? I'm so eager to work with you in fact, that you can forget about the five free samples. Let's just make it 100 freebies. After all, what's $25 between a lowly in-debt mortal and his/her financial savior?

Thank you!

Signed, Screw You!

Freelance Funny of the Day

I don't get the comic strip Barney and Clyde in my local newspaper, but a member of one of mailing lists recently shared this freelance writing-related goodie. If you've ever wished you had a red Sharpie on you, you'll certainly relate.

The Ultimate Get-a-Clue Freelance Request for the Week of February 21, 2011

Beware! This week's Middle Finger Award winner could leave bruises...

Project Description: Tecnical writing for construction

Specific Project Request: Help with writing ,I have one proposal for a biting job need someone to help me out writing a concert job proposal English is not my first language

Good thing you clarified that English wasn't your first language, because for a few seconds, I was thinking you were Dracula come to life. Of course, I've seen just about everything when it comes to freelance requests, so I wouldn't put it past someone to request a biter.

This one's too sad for a full-fledged Screw You! How about a Bite Me! instead?

But could somebody help me out here? I figured out that biting = bidding, but what does concert equal? Construction? If that's the case, how'd the poster get it right the first time but not the second? It boggles the mind ... and the teeth!

And for anyone who's ever questioned whether one little typo really makes a difference, well, here's your answer.

Debunking the Spelling Myth

I discovered What You Oughta Know through a link on a friend's Facebook page a while back and have enjoyed the site's videos ever since. Having received the email it addresses many a time in my inbox, I found this one, Spelling Matters, particularly deserving of a nod here at Screw You!

The Ultimate Get-a-Clue Freelance Request for the Week of February 14, 2011

This week's Middle Finger Award winner get a big Screw You! not only for its whipping boy mentality but also its screwy math.

Project Description: description writiner

Specific Project Request: I am looking for someone to write book descritions and titles for some of our books. We have wrters who can write very well but are not the best at writing titles. I need someone is writes good english, perfect grammer and awesome speller. Each title should only take a few minutes. I am paying $2/hour. So each title should cost 40-50 cents. Must be a fast and realiable worker. We are looking for 50-100 titles per day. This is a long term position. You must be able to get started right away. please respond asap

This starts off pretty bad with writer becoming writiner and only goes downhill from there. I spent a few minutes of my life I'll never get back trying to figure out the fuzzy math only to conclude the $2/hour was a typo and should have read $20/hour.

But don't start rejoicing too quickly. To make $20 per hour, you've got to come up with a "good" title every few minutes, which is absolutely ludicrous. Anyone who's ever taken on a creative project like this knows that it's not an at-will kind of thing. Brainstorming genius takes time and an assignment like this should always be paid by the concept, not the hour or minute. Can we say, "Crack that whip"? (And now I can't get Devo out of my head to make matters worse.)

And let’s not overlook the fact that this job poster’s ad demonstrates s/he has no business determining “who can write very well” and who can’t. Screw all of it!

Taxes for Freelancers

A while back, reader Grant Dobbins asked me if I'd share his article, Taxes for Freelancers: 20 Deductions You Should Be Taking And How, with my readers. With the 2010 tax-filing date right around the corner, I thought now would be a good time to make good on my promise to do so. Make sure you're not getting screwed and paying more taxes than you need to.

The Ultimate Get-a-Clue Freelance Request for the Week of February 7, 2011

If you've been reading my Middle Finger Award posts lately, you may have noticed that quite a few of them have had me puzzled. Are they real or a joke? This week's is so bizarre that it falls into that same category. Given the new trend in article spinning, I'm leaning toward it being a genuine request. Plus, it's got that "should take about an hour" phrasing to it indicates it probably is. You decide.

Project Description: rephrasing, restating, saying it another way, in other words... (on your computer)

Specific Project Request: i need help saying things another way.
one thing i need is different ways to say things.
if you are good at saying things in several different ways, thats what i need.
When considering the things i currently require, one of the top things, is having another way to say things.
Were i to find multiple phrasings of the same idea, like a thesaurus, i would have one of my greatest needs fulfilled.

send me an email
i will give you one trial interview test
if you do well, i will hire you for a $10 task - should take about an hour.
if you do well at this there is more work, with bonuses depending on your aptitude.

good luck out there.

You know what else you need? To add capital letters, apostrophes and other proper writing rules to your arsenal. Honestly, I can't think of a more boring way to earn a whole $10 an hour.

Here's a trial interview test for you: Screw you! Take this job and shove it! Up yours! Get real! How'd I do?

Headline Blooper of the Week

In honor of Super Bowl week, I present to you this Headline Blooper of the Week.