How Free of a Freelancer Are You?

Contrary to what one might conclude from the glut of freelance job postings out there, the "free" in freelancer equates to freedom, not price. Unfortuately, it appears as though "the seemingly simple process of getting paid has emerged as the No. 1 problem facing self-employed workers" according to this Crain's New York Business article: Ugh: the 'free' in freelance.

Let's discuss. If you're a freelancer, how much money have you lost over the years from non-paying clients? My figures are surprisingly low, but my Screw You! mentality greatly contributes to that track record. I can say that last year I had zero non-paying clients (although one or two were VERY late).

And the average owed of $12,000? That's absolutely unthinkable to me. I do take some solace in this sentence from the article, though: "More than 400 freelancers have electronically 'outed' clients they say have not paid them--ranging from political candidates to banks to media companies--via a website set up by the Freelancers Union." I know Writer's Weekly has something similar, but this if the first I'm hearing of the Freelancers Union forum.

The Ultimate Get-a-Clue Freelance Request for the Week of March 28, 2011

Project Description: ficitonal book: its a wonderful life type theme

Specific Project Request: I would appreciate assistance in writing a fictional book about a neurotic woman in her mid 20s who desires to relieve her childhood and adolescent years in order to undue the wrong turns she has made since becoming an adult. She believes that her life would have been better had she had proper rearing. In the story, she gets to relieve 20 years of her life. Not sure of the ending but I am thinking that in the end she still ends up in the same place as she did in reality and has to work through the conflict to go on to be successful or she may just get to live her wonderful life all the way through.

i want it to sort of have a theme like the film SLIDING DOORS (The film follows Helen Quilley (Gwyneth Paltrow), who has just been fired from her public relations job. The plot splits into two parallel universes, based on the two paths her life could take depending on whether she catches a London Underground train or not). I liked how there was a parallel universe and we got to follow both tales and in the end the happier ending came about.

There is no pay UNTIL the book is published and makes money.



It's a Wonderful Life meets neuroticism meets Sliding Doors? This job poster isn't going to be impossible to please or anything, is s/he? And my money's on this person being the neurotic woman she wants written about. So yeah, good luck with that.

"undue wrong turns" and "relieve 20 years of her life"--not sure if those things are possible, but more power to her--and you if you can make them happen. If none of this scares you away, then I guess neither will the fact that you'll be working for nothing until the book actually makes money, meaning quite possibly never. Then again, this job poster has just given away the whole plotline, so why not hand out the ultimate Screw You! write it yourself and then take all the writing credit and profits? Ideas can't be copyrighted, so that's an entirely viable option. Any neurotic person in his/her unright mind oughta know that much. Sheesh!

A Freelance Webinar You Might Want to Check Out

Two of my favorite bloggers, Lori Widmer and Devon Ellington, have joined forces to bring you the Confident Freelancer Webinar this weekend. Check it out and see what they have to offer. With decades of experience between them, they're sure to deliver what they promise and build *your* freelancing confidence.

Oh, Where, Oh, Where Have the Editors Gone?

I can no longer sit down and read most of my local newspapers without cringing. They're riddled with errors. And I'm not just talking the occasional typo. I'm seeing more and more instances of word choices being outright wrong to the point where the sentence is nonsensical.

Newspapers aren't the only publications suffering either. When was the last time you sat down with a book and made it all the way to the end without spotting at least one error? Um hmm, that's what I thought. Sad to say this tendency looks to become more the norm than the exception: The lost art of editing.

The Ultimate Get-a-Clue Freelance Request for the Week of March 21, 2011

Regular reader and commenter Star Lawrence recently sent me this week's Middle Finger Award.

Project Description: Accepting Article Submissions (Anywhere)

Specific Project Request: Do you keep up on the trends of plastic surgery? Our magazine is currently accepting submissions for an article on the newest trends in plastic surgery. This article needs to appeal to readers ages 18-30ish, have some humor and have an edgy style.

Please keep the article to 3/4 page at 12 pt New Times font. Article must be print ready and received no later than March 4th for consideration

Full credit will be given to the writer in the magazine.


•Compensation: no pay


When I read this one, this is how I responded to her: "Wow! I'm surprised they're even giving writing credit. On spec, no payment, why not just make it three for three?" And why not make it three Screw You!s too!

Writing Rules Made to Be Broken?

Admission time: I'm reluctant to change. And that reluctance extends into all areas of life, but in particular anything literary related. Except for a few rare exceptions, I don't (yet--never say never) do audio- or e-books, and beyond LOL, I abhor textspeak. I cringed last fall when I saw a huge sign in Burger King that read "Have It UR Way," or something like that. It was almost as bad as the commercials that turned Colonel Sanders into a rapping cartoon character ... almost.

So, it was with great surprise upon reading Un-rules that I find most of these grammatical "rule breakers" perfectly fine. There are a few I still flag when I edit and insist upon when I write formally, but many of them I let slide by and regularly break myself. Which ones are or are not acceptable to you?

The Ultimate Get-a-Clue Freelance Request for the Week of March 14, 2011

With a title like this week's Middle Finger Award winner, you know you know it's going to be a real doozy...

Project Description: Favor

Specific Project Request: looking for someone to assist me in the writing of my book it is a memoir i would like to make payment in july if the author agrees since the book will take some time to fish i will assist in dictation as far as what the story is about i will even add some extra pages so you will not be working alone on the project i only ask for your patience ,understanding and comprehension i will take care of all the editing and proof reading once the book is complete please once again i will make payment in july that is the estimated time the book should be done and i will not be able to make any initial deposits if requested until february it is imperative that july be the deadline for completion you must be able to write and speak english very well and have an understanding of some street slang i have compleated 54 pages so far i am looking for the length of the book to be no more than 200-230 pages this will also require telephone correspondence by email to help you have a full understanding of the message to be delivered in the book since i will be assisting with the writing of this book i will like to spend no more than $200.00

Before I get started, I should note that because I have a backlog of these get-a-clue projects, this one was originally dated February 1, 2011. Therefore, the poster is asking for 150-day+ payment terms. The only people who receive that kind of generosity from me share some sort of close DNA with me. Then there's the rationale that this long payment stall is because the book will take a long time to fish (translation finish). Huh? Seriously. If a project is going to take five months to complete, what freelancer in his or her right mind is not going to ask for installment payments. Oh, right. A freelancer who is willing to accept $200 to help someone write a book--not to mention learn to speak a whole new language just to understand the scope of the assignment.

i only ask for your patience ,understanding and comprehension--and your indentured servitude. Screw You!

i will take care of all the editing and proof reading once the book is complete--and I'll even credit you as the editor so that my complete disregard for proper spelling, capitalization and punctuation are attributed to you. Screw You!

since i will be assisting with the writing of this book i will like to spend no more than $200.00--because even though I titled this project Favor, I'll be offering the favor, not receiving it. Screw You!

Freelance Business Jargon: Decoded!

Several moons ago, blogger Lori Widmer addressed the topic of Little Irksome Things, which dealt with her disdain for business professionals using high-falutin jargon instead of clear and straightforward wording.

Sometimes these vocabulary-happy individuals get so carried away, in fact, that their message is totally lost on their audience. The next time you find yourself wading through such verbiage, this translation dictionary may just help you out: Unsuck It. On the basis of its cool name alone, you've gotta check it out.

The Ultimate Get-a-Clue Freelance Request for the Week of March 7, 2011

This week's project gets my Middle Finger Award because just what everyone wants is to be taken advantage of over and over again.

Project Description: need great writers

Specific Project Request: These films are narrative based documentaries like vh1 behind the music and e true Hollywood story's . We are looking for a writer who can research the lives of the muscians and write a detailed narrative piece for our films. The writing will include all the muscians background information, accomplishments, low points, etc. Should be at least 20 pages. As a writer this will be a great addition to your portfolio, and will be a great credit. Serious inquiries only. We appreciate your help, i know the pay is not much but we are looking for the young up and comers like college students or even young film students trying to get credit as well as some money if the first script is good you will automatically get hired for five more projects

•Compensation: $75 each


I'm looking for an individual who can clean my house top to bottom and leave it looking spotless. The job will include all the rooms' toilets, dirty laundry, cobwebs, mouse droppings, etc. Should be at least 20 hours. As a domestic goddess this will be a great addition to your self-esteem and a great resume booster. Serious inquiries only. I appreciate your help. I know the pay is not much but I am looking for up-and-coming Queens of Clean trying to get their hands dirty as well as some money. If the first home cleaning is good, you will automatically get hired for five more houses.

Compensation: $75

Now if I actually posted a job ad like that, I'd get bombarded with Screw You!s as well I should, and that's exactly what this job poster deserves too.

What Part of Not Free Don't You Understand?

A while back, I got into a pretty heated debate with an online publisher whose guidelines demanded articles on spec. Guess which side of the fence I was on? Unless you know you can sell the article elsewhere, why would you write something that caters to a specific publication knowing there's a good chance it will be rejected? In fact, my abhorrence of spec work has, of late, extended to low-paying work (i.e., content mills).

Yeah, I get it. New writers need to start somewhere and they need to build a portfolio. So write for free--but do it for yourself. Set up a free blog or website, and use those free pieces to draw traffic to YOU, not someone else. The real paid work (not the chump change crap) will eventually follow.

That's my Screw You! take on it anyway. It's nice to see I'm not the only one who feels that way. Laurie of Punk Rock HR echoes my sentiments quite nicely in Don’t Work For Free.